A Day With The Mom

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It was not quite as warm as one might expect in the trailing days of April. The wind was making itself known but not too harshly. The sun offered some warmth and the donning of a sweatshirt made for a pretty comfortable mid day ball game. I was fortunate enough to be able to get away from the office and treat my Mom to a day at the local baseball park. Mom has been a long time fan and is pretty knowledgeable about the characteristics and strategies of the game. I was glad that I could take her out and let her enjoy the day.

The home team took a beating but the day was still a win for us as we had the good fortune of spending some time with one of my better friends, Jennifer, or Jenn Jenn as I refer to her, as though she were seven years old. She doesn’t seem to protest too harshly to the moniker so I have pretty much affixed it to her in a state of semi-permanency.

I took “The Mom” out to the game and then we had a nice lunch and then I decided that I would volunteer my services and plant some flowers for her. Several trips to Lowe’s and other assorted purveyors of plants and planters and soils of all sorts rounded out the day. I have no idea how many individual plants we ended up potting and mounting that day. In fact we had so much fun that it even spilled over into the next day with a return trip for still more plants and soils and vessels.

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I had no idea that there was such a grand assortment of pots and planters and trays and baskets and various other collectors of dirt. I had always assumed that pots, or planters as I have been made aware of their actual name, were pretty much one like the other… It seems I was greatly mistaken. I also had no clue as to the prices these things fetched. I can tell you this people. I think I am in the wrong line of work. Given what I saw planters selling for, I think I need to start cranking these out in the backyard and selling them on E-bay.

Even though it was a great deal of work, and I was tired even into the next day I have to say that I enjoyed spending time with The Mom and assisting her with something that brought her such happiness. Each time a new planter would be filled with dirt and loaded with flowers I could tell that she was having a great time and she was genuinely grateful for my assistance. Sometimes it’s just fun to do nice things for nice people.

Please Don't Insult My Intelligence

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Earlier this week Avatar was released on DVD and is being touted as, “The Number 1 Movie of All Time.” I suppose that is correct if you just look merely at box office returns and raw revenue without allowing for inflation when compared to earlier blockbusters like ET and Gone With the Wind and other classics. I actually saw a small snipett that suggested that it actually ranked around number five when factors such as these are taken into account. However, the purpose of this rant is not to question the skewed numbers or to point out that films are more rapidly distributed in foreign markets than in the past also allowing for a faster return on investment. But anyway, I will move on I promise. Oh yes… if anyone has not seen the movie and does not want spoiler information it is time to click the big red X and go do other things on the Internet.

I am going to admit at the beginning, so as to issue a peremptory shut up and let me finish, that the movie is without a doubt one of the more visually stunning films I’ve ever seen and the effects alone are worth the price of admission. I am not discounting the visual aspects of the film in any manner. Again, the visuals and graphics are phenomenal. So this brings me to the point of content, and I know that I am not alone in this perspective. I am certain that I am not the first person to ask, “Why spend $192 Bazillion, on effects and visuals only to do a remake of Dances With Wolves?” Why couldn’t Mr. Cameron plink down another $60, 000 or so to buy or commission an original screenplay?

Think how much more interesting and entertaining the movie might have been if the film began with the inhabitants of Pandora contacting us here on Earth and asking us to assist them in their efforts to fend off another race of aliens who were intent on killing and eating them. In exchange for our assistance they would give us, the Earthlings, an inexhaustible amount of this really cool element that makes its own small anti-gravity field. Cameron then could have shown a film that differed from Dances With Wolves yet he still could have had the magnificent flora and fauna shots as well as some really good battle scenes that would not make the Earthlings out to be bad guys, which I will address later, but instead allies with the Pandorans or whatever it is they prefer to be called... so as to keep it all politically correct.

What if we expanded that idea a little further and had us Humans fighting alongside not just the Pandorans, but maybe a couple of other alien races they had rallied to their cause as well. Heck we might even have gotten to see MORE planets and their cool effects had the story gone this way rather than simply serving up commentary that Humans are reckless and selfish and would only seek to exploit any alien life form in which we might come into contact.

To further this subtle commentary, it was decided that the DVD release of Avatar would fall on Earth Day as if to remind the purchaser that all in one day they could hug a tree and buy a video that loosely veils the pursuit of “Unobtainium” as a comparison to the quest for our own terrestrial resources including, but not limited to, oil.

Before anyone gets me wrong, I do understand the importance of conservation. As someone who has camped and fished a good part of my early life I really am somewhat of a conservationist. However, I am also a realist and I honestly believe that displacing a species of animal life in order to obtain easier, therefore cheaper, access to oil supplies is not only an acceptable thing, but ultimately a good thing because like it or not, WE NEED OIL.

The next time James Cameron, or anyone pursing a similar agenda, boards a jet and heads to Europe or India to scout for locations I want him to stop and think how long it would take him to get there via boat if we didn’t have ample oil supplies so as to be able to refine JP8 or whatever fuel that particular craft needs to fly.

I think that fact that Cameron decided to vilify the Humans and portray the Pandorans, obviously based on Native Americans, as the pure and altruistic race speaks volumes about his desire to project those seeking to locate and obtain natural resources as innately greedy and insensitive to everything except money.

I realize that it is certainly easy to read this and think, “What the hell do you know? You’re just a weird fat guy in Oklahoma City and he is a Zillionaire producer and director.” And the whole point of this blog, actually any blog, is to allow those of us who wish to rant and rave a forum to do so and this one happens to be mine. So I am the Bobman and I have spoken.

I'mmmm Henry The Eighth I am, Henry The Eighth I am I am...

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The last few days have had me doing a variety of outdoor tasks involving my Mom’s new gazebo and gardening “stuff” on her behalf. I decided that I would take my own plunder into the world of gardening. So I picked out a plant of my own and got him a proper pot and some potting soil and for the first time in my life I took up gardening. I have been watching a lot of the Tudors the last few days and I know that purple is considered to be the color of royalty. That being said… Ladies and Gentlemen I give you King Henry VIII.




I am told that King Henry is a Petunia but I am not certain one way or the other. All I know is that he is my new plant, okay my ONLY plant and I am going to do all I can to see that he has a long and prosperous life. I’ve already started looking at the best private schools for him and been putting some aside for his college fund. You can never start too early they say. The neighborhood has quite a few cats roaming about. I am not certain if cats have been known to accost plant life but I am not taking any chances and as you all can see I have dispatched VOO DOO MAN, now Sir VOO DOO MAN to protect his King.

I am going to have to do some online research and see what all I need to know as a new gardener to make certain that my charge has a rich and full life. I was told that King Henry will do best in moderate sunlight and a medium amount of moisture. I was told that plant food spikes were not necessary but you know how us new parents are, I feel as though I must spoil him beyond belief.

I gave him some water and set him in a place where he will be somewhat sheltered from the wind. He will receive only morning sun and only for about two hours. I am hoping that this is the proper amount. If he requires more sun I will have to move him to a different side of the gazebo where he can get some Vitamin D.

If Henry makes it at least two weeks I might buy him some companions and plant them adjacent to the King, thus making somewhat of a court. As for right now we can only hope that I do indeed have a latent green thumb which has lain dormant all these many years only to be released with a vigor that has not been seen in several decades. Otherwise… the King’s days may be numbered. Anyone want to set the over/under?

Will Rogers Never Met A Zombie

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Today’s entry is a bit of a special request for my newest follower Matt, that’s him on the left. Matt wanted me to write an entry about the newest vehicle to catch his eye. The Ecoroamer I reviewed the link he sent me about this F-650 which has been on a Barry Bonds style diet of steroids and glam. We discussed this little Chariot of the Unimaginable and decided that if one were going to take a post-apocalyptic road trip this might be the vehicle. This bio-diesel sucking Batruck (I LOVE making up my own words) is second only to the world famous Maximog when it comes to the limited series of consumer minded technoglib vehicles. Matt holds that this vehicle is impervious to chemical, biological and zombie warfare but I still have my doubts. Perhaps… with a few aftermarket options, but certainly not stock.

The vehicle gets a whopping 6.5 MPG but it sports all kinds of amenities and it even has a washer. I guess they figure you can simply put the laundry out to dry on the line, perhaps using it as zombie bait? "Its powerplant is a Caterpillar C7 diesel engine. The goal is to run the vehicle on biodiesel (up to B100) whenever possible, focusing on blends refined from non-foodstock plant life. When biodiesel isn't available, the Cat engine can also run on dino juice. With two tanks holding a total of 130 gallons of fuel and 6.5-mpg efficiency, the Shapiros can traverse more than 750 miles without refueling," says the designer and engineer. It has a pretty nice little living area and it can even broadcast a wi-fi signal for a one mile radius. The only thing I would add would be some sort of Gamma Ray cannon that would feature both fine stream and plasma burst modes as well. That should, in theory, be able to knock down zombies and other undesirable miscreants seeking to crash the party.



Matt seems to think the Ford is the way to go but I am still an old school Maximog fan now and forever. I actually encountered a similar vehicle in Colorado as I was cresting Hancock Pass. We spoke to the guys who drove this baby down from Canada at 9 MPG… yes they drove it from Canada getting 9 miles to the gallon. I remember that gas was running right about $3.70 at the time. You do the math.

Now that the ride and the proper trim packages have been selected, the next thing we would need to consider for the Road Trip to Armageddon would be the crew. I think that we have to include Matt because it was his idea. I think that with the exception of Brad, all of my crew would be from the Stillwater days. Of course we would have to include Steve because he can MacGuyver stuff like a spider monkey on crack (and yes I get extra points for using the phrase spider monkey on crack). Another obvious choice is Jackson because he brings numerous attributes to the group. He is a good weapons man and he is ever ready with a twisted comment for any given situation. He and Brad could always find something to make light or no matter what. Dave would also have to be present to keep the conversation lively. Because without him, there may be periods of up to fifteen minutes in which we don’t argue about some arcane fact or statistic. If we were to include any female companionship I think I would just give Matt a laundry list and he would come back with whatever we had requested.

Since we have determined the personnel I think the next obvious decision would be the destination. I am throwing this out and stating that it is a deal breaker. Mount Rushmore or bust! I figure Mt. Rushmore would be a prime hunting ground for zombies and other creatures of their ilk. I think the gamma gun might also be used to do a little touch up work on Mt. Rushmore and add Ronald Regan to the mix. And as long as we are adding folks why not throw in John Wayne as well? I mean really, if the Duke isn’t good enough for Mt. Rushmore who is? Okay… Elvis too!

I can’t even imagine some of the side trips we might undertake or the newly created rituals we would deem mission critical and utterly vital to the success of the campaign, but I am betting that MTV would certainly want to send a camera crew along, providing of course that there is an MTV in the post-apocalyptic world. I think that we would have some sort of internal contest about who could acquire the greatest number of strange gadgets and devices that are completely useless but really fun to look at and play with. Of course the collection of roadkill, especially that which had undergone strange mutations, would be a central event pertaining to entertainment. I don’t know why but I also think the acquisition of Scarecrows would factor heavily in our agenda. We would probably throw in some sort of qualifying clause stating that those collected in Kansas would be worth extra points but that remains to be seen and would have to be reviewed in greater detail at the time.

If we ever were to face an onslaught of zombies, I think that the citizens of the world would probably feel better if they felt that the fate of mankind were in the hands of some sort of special forces team or coalition from the UN, but I think the folks of Payne County would believe that we were the perfect crew to restore decency and normalcy to the world… well at least in our interpretations of these two concepts.

Book Review: Florida Roadkill

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Okay folks this will be kind of brief. Today we have a book review. I recently completed Tim Dorsey's "Florida Roadkill." This is the first book in a series of twelve. A few weeks ago I posted a review of "Hurricane Punch" which is also in the series.

Florida Roadkill starts at the beginning and explains how the main characters of the series met. We have Coleman and Serge, our two fun loving criminals who entertain us with zany antics (yes I said Zany Antics) as they traverse the state of Florida committing all kinds of interesting and clever crimes. Sometimes the gizmos Serge comes up with for killing folks makes me think that the creater of the SAW series probably read one or more of these books.

I guess it is just Dorsey's style but this book too is very frenetic. This book also has so many characters that you almost need a scorecard to keep them all strait. I recommend this book ONLY if you want to read others in the series because I will tell you right now, this spawns as many questions as it answers and at the end it tells you that for the answers you have to read the next book.

I enjoyed the book but not as much as I did Hurricane Punch. If you are looking for something EXTREMELY light and fluffy I suggest this book.

For my next post I will talk about the Zombie Proof Road Trip Vehicle of the Apocalypse...check back soon

Finally...

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This is the kind of entry that I enjoy but most the devoted readership, all six of you, seem to despise because it is one in which I plan to address a topic that is of import and interest to very few but myself. But nonetheless I am going to continue in that vein and talk about one of my favorite books and the fact that after many years it has now been adapted to the screen, albeit the small screen. Given that, I will not hold it against those of you who opt to click that big red X up there and proceed to check on your crops in Farmtownlandville.

It seems that Ken Follett’s “Pillars of the Earth” has been made into an 8 part mini-series which is slated to air on Starz cable network in July. I certainly hope they mean THIS July. According to Follett’s website the production is pretty much complete and IMDB is the source that claims that Starz has obtained the US broadcast rights. I am really looking forward to this and I have been waiting for this news for about two years since I learned that filming had begun.

If anyone out there has not read the book I really encourage you to do so. I started the book back in 1992 or thereabouts and I didn’t finish it the first time around. My head was just not in the place it needed to be and I put the book down. Then about three or four years ago I started the book once again from the beginning and could not put it down. I know it’s a long book but I really encourage you to try to complete it before the mini-series airs in July.
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Pick an Olgle, Any Ogle...

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A few days ago we were discussing local media folks and of course we, being Brad and myself, still contend that Bobbie Miller is at the top of the heap. But one thing the conversation did initiate was talk about anchors and television personalities of the past. I didn’t really do any actual research for this entry and because of that, it is based on sheer opinion and the ever increasingly clouded memory of a Fortysomething news and TV junkie. So when it comes to facts and recollections remember, “Your mileage may vary.”

I think that today’s generation instantly conjures one specific image when they hear the word anchor and that is of course Ron Burgandy. So if I were to think of the one anchor from OKC’s media pool who in my opinion most personifies Ron Burgandy I would have to go way back into the 70’s and 80’s and choose Jerry Adams. I think he worked for just about every station in town before he faded from the scene. This guy had the quintessential anchor desk coif that could turn a bullet. I would have killed to have had the hair spray concession for this guy. I am pretty sure he worked for KFOR, at that time KTVY, and KOCO. I don’t think he ever worked for KWTV but I am not totally certain, it could be that he did indeed hit for the trifecta and I am simply unaware.

We’ve always been a Channel 4 household. There was a brief time when we watched Eyewitness News on Channel 5, but we eventually switched back to 4. I remember the night we switched back. It was a really strange incident. Jerry Parks was the sportscaster on 5 and he took a moment to reach out and mention that his cross town counterpart Bob Barry had suffered a heart attack earlier that day. My old man was a diehard fan of Bob Barry and Jack Ogle from their radio days covering the OSU Cowboys. So that being said, the old man turned, well okay made either me or my sister walk up and turn, to Channel 4 to get some information about Bob Barry. Then years later we were watching Bob Barry on 4 and he returned the favor by offering well wishes to Jerry Parks and advising us that Parks had suffered a heart attack earlier in the day. Sounds like something from one of those "Stranger than Fiction" comic books but I am pretty sure I remember it happening that way.

After we switched to 4 to check on Bob Barry I don’t think we ever switched back, at least not on any long term basis. From the KOCO days I do remember Mary Ruth Carlton’s stint as an anchor but I am not certain in which years she worked. I remember their spot called “Newsreal” in which they would do a quick personal interest story or show a mildly funny sight or scenario. And of course, a lot of people remember Jack Bowen and his recurring spot Wednesday’s Child on which I will comment later. We have never been a Channel 9 viewing family so I really won’t be able to comment too much on the folks who have been with Channel 9. There was never any personality or segment that really reached out and grabbed me.

I think that I would have to say for some reason that I was a hard core Jack Ogle fan when I was a little kid. I was a news junkie. I think I was probably the only seven year old on the block that actually enjoyed the news. I guess that is why I always kicked ass at the current events quizzes in school. I’m not really sure why Jack was my favorite, probably from hearing him broadcast the Cowboys’ games on Saturdays with my old man. Today you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting an Ogle. I have to admit that I don’t know which Ogle is which and who works for what station. But I like all of the Ogles and think they do well in their positions and have great on screen presence. The only thing I truly know is that Channel 5 is the only station without an Ogle, and up until recently they were also the only one without a news chopper but I understand they have now acquired a helicopter but alas… still remain Olgeless.

Speaking of Ogleseseseseseses and Barrys what is up with the rampant nepotism at KFOR? I now see that the late Brad Edwards’s daughter is doing what I am guessing is a part time gig at the station. But as long as nepotism is not costing me a job I say stick with it, cuts down recruiting budgets I suppose.

Working the midnight shift means I don’t get to see it very often, but I really like the morning show, Rise and Shine on KAUT, the sister station of KFOR. David Payne and Lance West are more laid back and the show has a less formal air to it. Payne and West stand at a desk and conduct the show as though they were conversing at the water cooler rather than conducting a news show. I have to admit that I like this format but only for the light stuff. For the serious and important news I still prefer the anchor at the desk looking forward and reading copy. The show offers another great bright spot as far as media folks go and that is Toni Blagowsky. This little girl is always upbeat and perky and I really think that they probably have to write a note to get her out of homeroom so that she can appear on the show. I’m not sure how old she is but she looks about 15. Toni B as she is referred to on the show is pretty funny and quickly becoming a favorite.

I think that this is probably a foreshadowing of things to come in the future as far as broadcast news is concerned. It seems that all aspects of society are taking a far less formal approach to everything when compared to the methods of the past. It would not surprise me at all if in the future the news is conveyed almost conversationally rather than one person speaking directly to the audience via the camera. I can just imagine that twenty years from now a news story might be reported as follows:

“Hey did you guys hear about that guy that allegedly robbed the 7-11 over at 10th & May? The clerk guy said that the dude walked in with a big ass gun and told him to hand over the money. I don’t know about you people but I hope the cops catch this guy pretty soon. This could then segue into… That kind of reminds me about the other news story I was supposed to tell you about where the guy, well okay a DIFFERENT guy, SHOULD have stopped at the 7-11 because he ran out of gas during a high speed chase.”

Okay perhaps I am over exaggerating a bit but I think we will see a less formal air when people present the news in the future. I hope that the proliferation of alternate media outlets doesn’t cheapen the quality of our local news like it has the national coverage.

Okay I know I said I was going to get back to Jack Bowen and Wednesday’s Child so I will. For those of you who are too young or did not live in the market during the early 80’s, Jack Bowen who was the anchor at Channel 5 at the time would select a pre adolescent boy or girl, usually just under ten years of age and basically seek to get them a “Big Brother or Big Sister.” I think it was actually done through the Big Brothers & Big Sisters programs themselves. Anyway, Jack would show this light and fluffy piece about how he took the child to Frontier City or Whitewater or the Zoo or someplace really cool. Jack would give the impression that he spent the whole day with the kid and the child just had a full day of fun and happiness.

Well one day I saw him film this segment at Whitewater and I have to tell you it was kind of disturbing. I felt so sorry for the kid. Often times the children were from low income families and always from single parent households. One can assume that things like Whitewater and other area attractions were something to which these children were seldom treated. Well one day old Jackie Boy has the kid at Whitewater and they film the kid going down one of the slides, then film the kid splashing around in the wave pool and then BAMMMM, after the kid has been there about 15 minutes and just gets a taste of all the fun stuff that other kids get to do… you guessed it, Jack packed him up and they drug the poor kid out of there without letting him do anything else. I felt sorry for the poor kid. As for Jack Bowen I think most of us remember his sad fate when he was supposedly caught cross dressing in order to try and sneak in to see some female who had rebuffed his advances or something like that. I don’t know how accurate those allegations were but it seems like that was the last I heard about him.

Okay another funny kid story just popped into my mind so you all are getting an unscheduled bonus. This is from when I was really young and didn’t understand all there was to know about birds and bees and who was REALLY Baby’s Daddy. Years ago when Danny Williams had Danny’s Day they would occasionally have a lady bring a toddler on the set and give them some toys and talk to them about their baby. I am not totally certain because I was just a young kid but I think Danny’s Day was live.

Anyway to get the toddler story, there was a lady who worked with my Mom who found herself with child and not even a hint of a husband. Well anyway she decided to take this kid on Danny’s Day and she had told my Mom that she was basically going to out the father on live TV. I remember Mom telling my sister to be certain and watch that day. I was too young to understand exactly why it was significant she was going to tell who the baby’s father was but I remember my sister telling me, “This is gonna be really good,” so we settled in and watched. I don’t know what exactly happened but I do remember that my sister was kind of disappointed because right at the end of the segment the “outplay” music got really loud as the lady was obviously trying to say something. I don’t remember a whole lot of the ordeal but I just thought I would go ahead and throw that nugget of Bobism at you fine folks.

Okay moving on… If we are talking about OKC media personalities I don’t think we can have any article without mentioning three people. Count Gregor and Jim and Gloria Berkey. Count Gregor is still with us and we occasionally see him pop up from time to time on one special or another. I am not certain if Jim Berkey is still alive but I do know that Gloria died a few years back, I remember seeing the marquee at the former Trust House location on N. May displaying a sign that listed her dates of birth and death.

Okay again, for those of you too young or who did not live in the area at the time here we go... Count Gregor was a guy who had the cheesiest Dracula motif you can ever imagine but he was still kind of interesting and fun to watch. He would often host a late night horror film and would offer dialogue and insight when the film went to commercial break. Some of his stuff was good and some well… but the point is he never took things too seriously and usually poked fun at himself as much as others did.

Now, I have actually been wanting to write a blog about Jim and Gloria Berkey and Trust House Theater for quite some time, and I will in the future give them their own blog when I get time to do a little research. Anyway to move along because I know this is one of the longer blogs, Jim and Gloria owned Trust House Jewelers and each Saturday night at 10:30 they would exclusively sponsor a movie, and it was usually a pretty good movie, often a classic from a few years past.

Well when it came time for a commercial here we would have Jim and Gloria presenting their sales of the week from Trust House Jewelers. Gloria would always turn the merchandise to and fro so that it would catch the glimmer of the lights and shine like it was the Hope Diamond. They usually had some pretty decent pieces of jewelry but then they would drag out this crap that they called “motion jewelry” and it was some really hideous stuff, Yes folks they had jewelry with moving parts. One portion of the ring would sort of do a little hula hoop motion around the other portion of the ring and to be honest, it kind of looked like something a kid would make at Vacation Bible School. I have no idea why they thought it was attractive. I have no idea if it sold much but it must have because each week they would be back hawking their motion rings.

Jim would always tell about the in-store credit plans and layaway and mention credit cards but he was destined to close the segment with the tongue in cheek saying, “And as always, Gloria still takes cash.” Normally that double entendre would not really be that amusing but well… I am going to guess that Gloria was well into her late 40’s at the time they started the show and it lasted for about twenty years. So you do the math and see how the cuteness might have worn thin.

We can’t forget Hoho the Clown and Foreman Scotty either. I remember I once submitted a colored picture via the mail to Hoho on Channel 5 and I tell you folks what… I won my first prize ever. It was a die cast model of a John Deere tractor and I thought that was about the coolest thing that could ever happen to a 5 year old. Does anyone ever remember going to a birthday party at which Hoho was the entertainment? Anyone remember seeing him drive around town in his little blue car? I think it was a Vega but I am not certain.

Foreman Scotty was a little before my time but I vaguely remember seeing him in my earliest youth when Ida Bea was still the weather lady.

In closing I think that OKC has had some really memorable folks work in the market. Some of them have gone on to the national spotlight such as Bella Shaw, Ron Thulin and Mike Boettcher and I am sure that I am forgetting some others. We have people like Linda Cavanaugh who have become staples and in essence part of the culture of Oklahoma City. Of course if we mention Linda we almost have to mention Gary England over on Channel 9 who has been interrupting programming since the day he was born. I am certain that Mike Morgan is trying to eclipse him for the record of “most hours of being on television without really being asked or appreciated,” only time will tell on that quest. These people are part of the local history and even though we may not be real gung ho about them now, we might someday miss them when they’ve retired. In the meantime, keep watching because no matter who is in front of the camera, it probably beats reading these blogs, hahaha.

Oh yes, if you made it all the way to the end I thank you for your time.