Arboreous Satanicus Bastardus

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Usually the hardest thing about writing these entries is the first sentence. It seems that is the case with just about anything I write. I also once heard someone say that when you can’t find a good opening line steal one. So that being said, It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Now that Chuck Dickens’ descendants are all bent out of shape I will move on.

It was the best of times in that it was early in the morning. It had yet to reach the heat of the day and I had a mission ahead of me. I was looking forward to a little hard work and something to show for it. I was going to take out a bush which I had trimmed only a few weeks earlier. I would use this newly claimed real estate to put in a small flowerbed. It was also good because it was Friday morning and I fired up the chainsaw at 6:50 AM. Yes…I started with the chainsaw that early. I almost felt guilty for a moment then I remembered my neighbor’s blaring and thumping car stereo coming in around 4:00 each morning and revved the engine a little more. Sadly, since this was only light work I was using the new “electric” chainsaw so the noise was kind of minimal.

The whizzing and whirring of the chain in the groove is a great sound, even if it is the only sound this thing makes. Surprisingly enough, the electric saw made quick work of the structure which was large for a bush but not as big as a tree. I have to admit that I was not let down by the saw’s performance. After all, if an electric chain saw was good enough to garner a recommendation from the Herb Moore family it was certainly good enough for me.

It really was the best of times, good, hard, honest work on a spring morning and in just a few hours I would be able to gaze upon the fruits of my labor with delight as I looked at the new flowerbed. Now here is where we will merely start to talk about the worst of times. Up until now the labor had been just the right amount and had gone pretty well. All that remained now was to dig down to the root level, sever the roots with the axe and then pry the stump up. A good plan… or so I thought. A few minutes into the digging it occurred to me that I was already working in a raised bed, about six inches or so. No problem, I will just have to dig another 6 inches or so. This didn’t seem so bad since the ground was damp and the digging was easy.

I started digging around 8:00 AM. At around 8:20 I started to hit some roots. I grabbed the axe and quickly took them out. I dug a little more, hacked a few more roots. This went on for two hours and I was still nowhere near the bottom of the root structure and there was still a good deal of trunk left below the soil. I had been digging and swinging an axe for two solid hours.

Now this might come as a shock to some of you, but I have kind of let my cardio workouts slip some over the last 30 years and I have to tell you that swinging that axe was getting the better of me. I was soaking wet, there wasn’t a dry thread on me, but there was no way in Hell I was giving up. I even took the chainsaw to things again. Finally I was spent and there was no way I could continue. Sadly, I had made very little progress.

The more I hacked and dug and dug and hacked the more I realized that maybe this stump was not supposed to be moved. Maybe this was like that big rock in LOST that Jack and Desmond respectively moved to interrupt the harmonic flow of nature. This may sound like light folly or ramblings of craziness to you all, but I say this with reason. I have deduced that these are not ordinary roots but instead roots of a Satanic nature which stretch all the way to a Devil’s burning hell where the tail of Lucifer shoots flames into the asses of several imps, demons and other unholy deities prodding them to carry out their daily tasks. These roots run deep and I pretty sure that is where they terminate. But even this was not the worst of times.

Having not exercised regularly for 30 years, well it kind of takes a toll on a man of my age. Now this may come as a shock to some of you, but I am not the picture of health you all might think. I took a seat and started drinking water with a thirst I hadn’t felt since playing sports. I sat there and drank ice water for about 20 minutes and decided I was going to get back to the chore. I stood up and went back at it for another 20 minutes but then I thought I better take another break.

I plopped back down in the trusty lawn chair and rehydrated with the good old Loves 52 ounce “Road Warrior Xtreme” full of ice water (left). I decided to get back up. I am certain that all of the synapses were firing and my brain was telling my legs to move…but instead they merely sat there, inert. I finally stood and it was at this point that we will start talking in earnest about the worst of times. Having sat down to rest served nothing other than to cause every muscle in my body to stiffen up. I took a couple of steps and knew that I was done. By this time it was about 11:00 or 11:30 and I was done for the day. I just sat back in the lawn chair and listened to the soreness setting in.

This carried on for about another hour or two and by 2:00 PM I was as sore as I had ever been, possibly more so (think about that one for a moment). The rest of the day was just kind of a blur of pain and intermittent sleeping. Saturday morning came around and when I first woke up I thought I was going to die, I thought it had gotten worse. I finally walked to the shower and stood there for about 30 minutes under the hot water until it was gone, the hot water, not the pain. I guess that helped some because I walked around some more and eventually felt good enough to head off to the family reunion.


Unfortunately, The Bush of Beelzebub still has a cloven foothold in place in the form of a stump and I have been told that this type of bush WILL eventually come back unless killed entirely. I suppose I will get some stump killer and try to finish off this unholy bastion of misery via chemical warfare. I am hoping I can just deliver the chemicals once and then bury this fountainhead of despair once and for all. I will have to consult the experts. I just don’t know whether the experts are botanists or clerics at this point.

I suppose there are two things I could take from this experience. I could see it as an indicator that I really should exercise more often, or in my case just exercise. Or, it could be an omen advising me that I should simply refrain from all future attempts at strenuous labor. I still haven’t made a decision yet. I will let you all know sometime soon.

Why Johnny Cash Is Overrated!!!

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It seems as though each time a major celebrity dies they are inevitably dubbed as having been one of the best in their field. Whether they were an actor, dancer or musician their popularity and skill level are instantly inflated well beyond any level they might have achieved while living. It seems that the legend of Johnny Cash is a prime example. Since Cash’s death he has been attributed with far more talent, insight and ability than he ever displayed while living. I don’t know how many times I have heard people in the media proclaim that Cash was a musical genius. Johnny Cash a musical genius? No. Mozart, Beethoven, George Gershwin, Cole Porter, Richard Rogers, Henry Mancini, Quincy Jones and Irving Berlin were musical geniuses, but not Johnny Cash.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Johnny Cash and I have a great deal of his music and I will be the first one to admit that I enjoy his music a great deal. But I also realize that when compared to other musicians of his era and genre, Johnny Cash is not at the top of the list. When it comes to country music, I think that while talented, Cash’s body of work is not in the same caliber of Hank Williams or Marty Robbins.

Many of those eager to praise Cash talk about his ability to evoke emotion in his songs. To that end I challenge them to submit one instance in which Cash’s less than melodic voice brings about a fraction of the emotion heard in Hank Williams’ “I’m so Lonesome I Could Cry.” Can anyone think of an instance in which Cash displays a vocal talent even remotely close to that displayed by Marty Robbins when he relays to us the story of “Devil Woman?”

We also hear about what a great songwriter Cash was. I am not saying that he was a horrible songwriter. I am just saying that he was certainly not the musical genius that we have been led to believe. Again, let’s compare Cash’s writing abilities to those of his contemporaries in his genre. Willie Nelson gave us Crazy, Hello Walls, Night Life and Funny how Time Slips Away. And while I may be in the minority, I feel that purely as a songwriter, both Cash and Nelson take a back seat to Waylon Jennings when it comes to penning country songs. Cash was known for his ballads and I will admit that some of them were clever and catchy little tunes. But then I compare them to those of Tom T. Hall and I realize that Cash was not doing anything spectacular.

I think anyone who listens to a lot of music, especially a wide variety of music, will agree that Cash did not have a great voice. He had a very different and distinct voice but let’s face it, it was not a beautiful, melodic voice. And given the type and style of song that Cash performed, a melodic voice such as Roger Whittaker was not really necessary. It may seem unfair to compare Cash’s vocal ability to someone outside the country genre. That being said, let’s compare his voice to that of Larry Gatlin and I think you will see what I am talking about.

Am I saying that Larry Gatlin is a better singer than Johnny Cash? Damn strait I am. Every day and night of the week I will hold that Larry Gatlin is three times the singer and songwriter that Johnny Cash could ever have hoped to be. Am I saying that I would rather listen to a Larry Gatlin song than one by Johnny? Not necessarily. I am simply trying to reiterate the point that Johnny Cash was not the “be all… end all” that everyone makes him out to be and he was certainly not the epitome of Nashville based talent.

I didn’t do a great deal of research for this post, I did enough of that over the last couple of years in my academic pursuits. I like the freedom to state opinion rather than facts based upon empirical data when I write these little repositories of wisdom. It is in that sentiment that I state my theory as to why, despite being tonally challenged, Johnny Cash achieved the level of success he did. I think that for anyone to achieve the universal success Cash enjoyed there has to be more than one element at play.

I think that the one of the primary catalysts for Cash’s success was the time at which he rose to stardom. The Golden Age of County Music is generally held to cover the 1950’s and very early 1960’s. It was in the early to mid 60’s in which Cash began to appear on the radar, and the charts. The country music fans were open to a new sound. The quintessential honky tonk tunes laden with infidelity, sadness and alcoholism were giving way to new things like Buck Owens and the Bakersfield Sound. The West Coast was producing as much, if not more, country music than Nashville at this time. I certainly think that this openness to a new strain country music helped Cash a great deal.

I also think that the societal changes at play were additional contributors to John’s success. In the 60’s we had a lot of turmoil. We had the dope smoking, headband wearing Hippies of San Francisco (Yes I said dope smoking, headband wearing Hippies). We had the anti-war protesters in Ohio, and everywhere else. We had the British Invasion and let us not forget the rise of the Folk Music scene taking place on college campuses in between protests and riots.

It seems that all of these changes and transitions left the middle aged, Caucasian male feeling as though Country Music was the only thing to which he could really relate. He was too old for the Beatles, too conservative for the Folk scene and probably of the opinion that The Stones were just drug crazed Limeys trying to make a quick buck. If that were the case, then it would only seem natural that Cash’s music which appealed to the blue collar working man, who might feel disenfranchised by all of the changes going on about him, would increase in popularity. Cash arrived on the scene at the proper time with the proper persona for a large sector of the population who wasn’t really certain where they fit in at that particular point in history. In short, Cash owes a great deal of his success to luck and good timing.

In conclusion I would like to state once again that I am not really “Anti-Johnny.” I am simply tired of hearing him made out to be far more spectacular than he actually was. Do I like Johnny? Yes I do. Do I think he was an excellent singer? Not even close. Do I think he wrote great music? No, I think he wrote music that was from the heart and aimed at his potential audience but I would not call it great by any means. Will I continue to listen to Johnny? Of course I will, but I will also keep his ability and accomplishments in perspective and never claim that he was the legendary master that the media would have us believe.

How Many Jenn Jenn's Does It Take To...

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A couple of days ago my friend Jennifer asked, "Why don't you write a blog about me and how cool I am?"

I turned and looked at her and said, "Maybe I will." Well that caused me to think and wonder exactly what aspects of her life I would address in a blog.

Jenn is one of my long term BWW girls from years back. Jenn hung up the apron about three years back and went into the world of broadcast media when she accepted a job with Citadel Communications who owns several of the more popular radio stations in the city. After spending some time with the radio folks Jenn Jenn then moved into her current position with the OKC Redhawks where she can be seen daily running about the field dressed as Rowdy the Redhawk... No just kidding... she is NOT repeat NOT Rowdy the Redhawk and she's NOT the Australian emcee that leads mid-inning activities. She is Jenn Jenn, the Group Sales and Special Events Coordinators... yep she heads up TWO departments within the organization.

Outside the office I know that Jenn loves to shop, read and watch what I feel to be extremely bad television, hahaha. Sorry Jenn had to poke you with a stick or two. But I will say this, Jenn Jenn is not all about the light pop culture. I have often referred to her as the most sophisticated of all my BWW girls. She is certainly the most avid reader of them, even though she has yet to read the book I gave her for her birthday several years back -- HINT HINT -- Jenn Jenn.

I have to say that I have really gotten to know Jenn better than all of the other BWW girls. I love the way she always thinks of and takes care of my Mom when The Old Lady wants to take in a game. Jenn really is one of the best people I know.
So with that in mind I decided that if the rest of you wanted to get to know more about Jenn Jenn the following Q&A session just might facilitate that. So in the long tradition of publications like Playboy and Rolling Stone I present you "Q&A with The Jenn Jenn:"

Q:What would be your dream job?
A: Something that makes me happy and I make a lot of money. Is that an answer?

Q: What is more important, career of family?
A: Family

Q: Which do you prize the most, your business connections or friendships?
A: Friendship

Q: What would be the destination of your dream vacation?
A: Greece

Q: Would you rather win an award in the entertainment industry such as an Oscar or Emmy or Grammy, or a humanitarian based award?
A: I’m pretty shallow, so I’m going to say entertainment.

Q: What are your thoughts concerning Global Warming?
A: I don’t think about it, which probably sounds awful.

Q: If someone gave you a gift and you knew it contained conflict diamonds, also known as “Blood Diamonds” would you: A) Keep it? B) Decline it C) Accept the gift but sell it and give the proceeds to charity?
A: Definitely decline it.

Q: Who were the most influential people on you as a child?
A: My Mom and Grandma. I have very strong women in my family.

Q: While maintaining your current salary, if you could choose any vehicle you liked provided you would have to pay for the insurance, fuel and maintenance what would you choose?
A: Range rover

Q: What is your favorite sport to play? And favorite to watch?
A: I love playing any sport, so it’s hard to pick a favorite. My favorite to watch is basketball.

Q: For the average Oklahoma family, how many children is too many?
A: Four

Q: Should those applying for food stamps, welfare or other forms of government provided social assistance be required to pass drug tests before receiving benefits?
A: ABSOLUTELY!!!

Q: Who was your best friend in 5th or 6th grade and are you still in contact with them?
A: My best friend was Lindsay and we met in fourth grade. We are still best friends. She lives in Arizona now with her husband and one year old son.

Q: Who is your favorite among former BWW co-workers?
A: That’s tough, but I’m the closest with Tosha and Lauryn.

Q: Who is your favorite sports figure and why?
A: I don’t really have one.

Q: What was your favorite breakfast cereal as a child?
A: Fruity Pebbles



Q: Favorite breakfast cereal now?
A: Fruity Pebbles, I’m still a child.

Q: Should Pete Rose be admitted to the Baseball Hall of Fame?
A: I know nothing of this, so I’m just going to say yes.

Q:Who is your favorite author?

A: Emily Giffin

Q:Favorite Book?
A:Something Borrowed

Q:Favorite Director ?
A: Joel Coen

Q: What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen?
A: Steel Magnolias gets me every time. So does the last part of Terms of Endearment where the boys have to say their goodbyes to their mom. Just thinking about that scene makes me want to cry.



Q: Saddest book you’ve ever read?
A: The Road

Q:Favorite Broadway Style play or musical?
A: Wicked

Q: Should Marijuana be legalized?
A: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate when people argue that it should be!!!!!!!

Q: Would you rather write a book that sells a million copies or record a song that sells a million singles?
A: Record a song. I really wish I could sing, but I have the worst voice EVER!



Q: You and I both want an Ipad, do you really feel that garnering one more gadget is more important than spending $500 on a children’s charity?
A: …but I really want an Ipad



Q: Would you pull the wings off of a butterfly for $1,000,000?
A: Yes...



Q: If so, would you tear the front legs off of a dog for the same money?
A: No

Q: Do you prefer Capitalism or Socialism?
A: Capitalism

Well there you have it, everything you ever wanted to know about Jenn Jenn. You might not be able to gauge everything about her from the Q&A session but I can assure you that if you got to know her you would think she kicks ass!

This THING Must Die

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Okay I know this seems petty but I have held my tongue long enough. I am so sick of seeing this little bastard every time I flip on the television. I think many people find him cute and cuddly but I find him to be extremely acrid. I am so sick of his sighs and guffaws and his high pitched voice.

I have been thinking about this wooly imp and I have decided that I would like to see him die a long, harsh death. I am thinking a fire. I am thinking that I would like to see him become wedged in the lint trap and cause a heat buildup which would cause such a conflagration so that we might actually hear his screams, and if possible, I would like to smell his burning flesh as it falls from his bonesl. I really think this little wooly bastard is a rejected Tele-tubby.

Perhaps having this little bastard shaken unmercifully by a Pit Bull would be interesting as well. Perhaps one of those eviscerating threshing blades that they use in combines and things like that, expelling nothing but saw dust and a few strands of fiber.

I really don’t care how he dies, I only hope that I am fortunate enough to witness it. I am thinking amateur film here. Any takers?

Movie Review: Robin Hood

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Robin Hood – 2010

Directed by Ridley Scott
Starring: Russell Crow, Cate Blanchett, William Hurt and many others

Today we are going to do a movie review. Can you say movie review? I thought you could, that makes Mister Rogers very proud of you neighbor! Anyway, today we are reviewing the newest iteration of the Robin Hood legend. I am not going to take the time, either here or on my own, to sit down and see how many times the legends of Robin Hood and his medieval counterpart King Arthur have been played out on the silver screen but I am certain that each of you can think of at least two or three different variations on the story.

Initially I was not really expecting a great deal out of this production. I don’t know why I felt this way. I suppose that my predisposition was due mainly in part to the fact that generally remakes often fall short of the grandeur that we see and feel for the original production. That is why I want to take this moment to state, that this movie is far from a remake. This movie tells the story of Robin of Loxley from a direction and perspective that is well removed from that of any previous version, at least the ones I’ve seen. So to call this a remake would be a gross error.

It might be important to point out that as far as we know Robin Hood is a fictional character so there doesn’t have to be any factual or historical context to which the story must adhere. And because of that, there really is no right or wrong way to tell the story as long as the primary tenets of the legend remain intact and the primary characters are all present and accounted for in some manner.

Moving on I have to say that I found the film to be very entertaining and even though it was right at two and a half hours in length I didn’t find that it droned at any point. The casting was spectacular. I think that the best casting is achieved when the viewer realizes that none of these people really look like movie stars. You won’t see a stunning Hollywood starlet with gleaming white teeth playing the role of a Thirteenth Century peasant girl in this production. The sets and costumes are exactly what one would wish to see in a film depicting the era. The overall texture of the film was earthy and visceral. I think this is germane and went a long way in representing the mood of this particular snipit in time.

The dialogue was great in that while it was quite understandable it had absolutely no current day catch phrases worked into the script as other films have so readily done. We don’t have an instance of a medieval resident of Britain saying anything contemporary such, “Oh that had to hurt,” or “I know you didn’t just…” as we see in some historic pieces.

As one would expect there is A LOT of action. The action is graphic but not anywhere near the degree of that depicted in Braveheart. I don’t want to give away too much plotline but I will say that if you are expecting to see any of the lengthy one on one swashbuckling which has been so prevalent in earlier adaptations of the Robin Hood films you will be sorely disappointed. Virtually all battle sequences involve large numbers of people. The action is great, because it seems to blend just the right amounts of violence with logic, reason and plot. This is probably why the film received a PG-13 rating rather than being rated R. And if you are expecting that trademark “Bruckheimer” shot, yes it is present.

So to wrap things up I highly recommend this film for all members of the family and think it is something that should definitely be seen on the big screen. So round up your friends and family and drag them down to the local theater.

A Beast Of The Most Elusive Nature

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Though the hills and caves be full of sages with wisdom both contemporary, and for the ages, I riddle them this one elusive riddle. If you look to the west and still again to east why is it that no one can find this one elusive beast? Many have sought him but none have found their grail. Is he sleek or scruffy and just what color be his tail? He is not the greatest, nor certainly the least, the creature of which I speak, is the cunningly elusive Naugabeast. We know he exists. His evidence surely abounds but does he dwell in the trees or frolic about the grounds?

Lo a once proud and prodigious beast with spawn rivaled by none, what happened to the beasty? And where has he gone? Some say he was bred in a lab in Naugatuck, Connecticut and that his existence is no more. But I believe he is real and we will see him once more.

Okay the mythical beast of which I speak is of course the Naugabeast. If you are under about 35 none of this will make any sense to you. During the 1960’s and 1970’s BILLIONS of naugabeasts were hunted down and killed for their hides. Forget everything you might THINK you know about your microfiber and pleather, The king of all synthetic fabrics is definitely the Naugahyde.

Let’s face it, had it not been for the prolific nature of the Naugabeast the Mathis Brothers would be mere paupers selling vinyl siding to late night viewers who are still trying to catch a glimpse of Count Gregor.

When I was a kid we had a “Genuine” Naugahyde loveseat. Looking back I realize that there were several variations and qualities of Naugahyde and I even saw some as late as the 90’s which could not be distinguished from leather.

If you’ve never seen or encountered Naugahyde, do NOT associate it with vinyl. Naugahyde was a staple of my childhood and I will defend its qualities to the death. I guess this proves that I really do have waaaaaay too much time on my hands. But I challenge any of you to point out a superior product to Naugahyde.

If there was ANYONE who would have had the wear withal to track down and tame one of these elusive beasts it would certainly be Johnny Carson. Johnny actually had a Naugabeast appear on his show and this is the only known footage of the elusive beast.

Hope some of you old folks like me enjoyed this…

Big Ol' Blog-a-Rama

Big Ol’ Blogarama
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Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have been very busy with a couple of side projects the last few days and because of this the Bloggin’ has suffered. That being said I am going to write a long blog about a lot of issues and call it the Big Ol’ Blogarma. Tighten up those chinstraps, this is gonna be a mile a minute trip to the weird and the extreme…well okay maybe just the weird.

First and foremost…. Shout outs and congratulations to two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. It seems that these two ladies have seen some wonderful accomplishments over the last week or so and I want to recognize their achievements




Rachel McFarland-Karn (Giving the Thumbs Up) has just graduated from UCO and I am certain that she will soon be out surprising us all with her many talents and accomplishments. Rachel you be good and stay safe and let Uncle Bob know what you are up to Maam.







The lovely and talented Taylor Smithwick has secured an internship with the Love's Country Store Home Offices and I am certain that she too will be kicking ass and taking names in the future as she nears her matriculation date. Keep up the good work Maam and I look forward to some Lady Drovers Soccer this fall.





Movie Reviews…

Guess what… I am waaaay cooler than those two dorks on Channel 4…and SO ARE YOU... I mean let’s face it, who’s not? I am not going to be reviewing any new movies for you fine folks but rather some old ones that I happened to watch this weekend. Hope you like the reviews… If not you might watch those two on Channel 4.


King Kong – The original black & White from the 1930’s. I am going to jump right up on a stump and proclaim that this is TEN TIMES the movie that its putrid remake starring Jack Black offered us. For one thing it told the same story in less than nine hours. Also, I didn’t have to watch the big monkey go skating on a frozen pond with the little blonde girl and do a lot of other stupid things that just drug the show on and on without adding any real substance to the plot. So just to recap… 1930’s version GOOD… 2000’s version BAD. I like things simple and succinct and that takes care of the Kong review.




Next we move into the 1970’s with the baddest badass of all Disaster Film actors Charelton Heston. Chuck finally met a disaster he couldn’t tame in one of the first films of the emerging Disaster genre. There was nothing he could do to prevent “The Greatest Earthquake Ever Known” from pulling Marshall, Will and Holly into the Land of the Lost... yes I said the Laaaaaaaaaaaannd of the Loooooooooooossssssssstttttttt!

Okay, I know Chuck Heston was not in The Land of the Lost. But if he had been, can you imagine the magnitude of ass kicking that would have occurred? I guarantee you this: Chauka would NOT have looked at Holly the same way. In fact, the first time Chuck caught him making googly eyes at our beloved, pure and angelic Holly, that night’s entree would have been “Monkey Meat on a Stick.” Enoch the Sleestack WOULD have been paying tribute and kickback to the Chuckster or there would be some serious head cracking going on. T- Rex Grumpy would have been turning on a spit about the third day into the ordeal and Will would stop that bitching and whining and stop trying to play the confused adolescent trying to find himself. Chuck would tell him to man up and then kick him a few times. Essentially that’s the Heston version of an After School Special moment… end game on that one Will! Okay are we all strait on that???

Anyway…now that I have free wheeled a little, let me get back on track. Chuck Heston starred in the Irwin Shaw classic “Earthquake” which if you had been around in the 70’s you might remember had been shown in “Sense-a-round,” the precursor to surround sound. They even installed subwoofers in some of the newer theaters just to enhance the effect. I have to say this was a great movie that had it all. First it had Chuck Heston as an engineer barking out orders and handling the logistics of relief efforts after a big earthquake. The man knows how to conduct himself in a crisis… People might want to watch and learn from time to time. Also it had George Kennedy in there kicking ass as well. Even the extremely luscious Jenevieve Bujold (I know I didn’t spell it right but it is late and the internet is closed so I can’t look it up on IMDB) has a bit part in it as well as a young Victoria Principal in her Pre-Dallas days. Not sure why but Victoria is sporting an Afro in this flick. On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 53. Let’s move on…. I watched A LOT of films this weekend.


Towering Inferno

Yeppp… another film from the Disaster genre. This had two heavy hitters from the good old days of Hollywood. We had BOTH Paul Newman and Steve McQueen sharing the top billing. We even had OJ back when he was a good guy. He plays a security guard who saves a cat in this movie. I hate to say it but I am going to give this movie the slight edge over Earthquake. Towering Inferno was more linear than Earthquake and had more dynamics in it due to the fact that the sideline stories were far more interesting than those of Earthquake. It also made a little bit of social commentary about contractors who cut costs to bring projects in under budget. Towering Inferno also gave us an appearance by some of Hollywood’s Golden Age stars such as William Holden and Fred Astaire. So on a scale of 1-10, having given Earthquake a 53, I give Towering Inferno a 64 but that is NOT to imply that Chuck Heston was out done by McQueen or Newman. Moving on…


I watched the Blade Trilogy this weekend as well. I will sum it up for you

Blade (Original): Blade and Kris Kristofferson kick some vampire ass

Blade 2: Same movie except these vampires are impervious to silver and can only be killed with daylight or artifical UV spectrum light. Oh yeah and just like in Predator the new vampires have 4 jaws so their mouths can open multi-directionally.

Blade 3: Same movie except add Jessica Biel and Parker Posey as pretty ladies. In this iteration of the trilogy a new form of super vampire is present and he is a “day walker” just like Blade. So they had a blind lady synthesize a new strain of virus that would affect his blood and thus kill him. On a scale of 1-10 I am going to give the Blade Trilogy a collective score of 7.

So that was the movie recap, five films reviewed, five opinions levied. Let’s move on again


Some people apparently felt that my review of classic toys was not what it should be. They threw out several suggestions but there were only two which I deemed to hold any merit. My Coworker pointed out that I had not addressed the beginning of the video game onslaught by not featuring the two games that started it all, Electronic Football and Electronic Baseball.






I was fortunate enough to have BOTH Coleco’s Electronic Quarterback and Mattel’s Electronic Baseball. I played them both about the same and literally wore them out. They each lasted about 3 years and by the end of their tenure I had worn all of the buttons down to mere nubs and the sounds had diminished to mere shadows of their former selves. I loved these games and I would play them again if I could find them.





And last but not least what would a blog be without a mention of our favorite local TV personality Bobbie Miller????


Mrs. Miller took to the airwaves to explain the importance of seeking shelter when “Nature’s Fury,” as one of the local affiliates describes it, is wreaking havoc on us humans and Charelton Heston just isn’t around to save the day. Mrs. Miller had a story which showed her emerging from a culvert where just hours prior, several people cheated death and had ridden out the storm.

I didn’t have the sound up so I didn’t know the entire context. I almost thought it was a commercial for an ultra-sophisticated European Fragrance. So as I could not hear the dialogue, I made up my own:

“Even when hunting truffles, Mademoiselle must always smell spectacular. New from Yves Gilbert Cartier, Essence of Nature… Because one never knows when beauty will have to slay the beast.”

Well Ladies and Gentlemen… that wraps up the Big Ol’ Blog-a-rama for now. Check back soon because if this cold doesn’t kill me I will spew forth some more rhetoric at a later date.

*in case you weren't counting I referenced ass kicking in some form a total of 4 times.

We Mustn't Let The Garbage Man Get Dirty!!!

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I have to admit that my previous posting “Garbage In… Garbage Out,” was composed quite hastily as I didn’t have a lot of time before heading off to the job. I would like to take a few moments to drop a couple of lines that I didn’t include in the earlier post.

Before Carrie Congeniality disconnected our phone call by telling me that if I didn’t like the policy I should, “Go to tonight’s City Council Meeting,” she did take a moment of civility to advise me of the policy regarding the collection of cardboard boxes. It seems that the policy of Del City Sanitation is that cardboard boxes in their original condition will not be picked up at any time. She stated that the boxes must be flattened and bound. So I would like to take a moment to expound on this.

Essentially the City of Del City requires that everyone, including my 75 year old arthritic mother, not only pay the associated monthly fees for trash collection but in essence do the job herself. They expect her, and all others who are aged and arthritic, to get a box knife and cut the box into small manageable pieces and bind them together… this is according to the ever so helpful individual who answered the phone in the sanitation department.

This is tantamount to paying someone to paint your house only to have them tell you that even though you are paying them for the service, they expect you to tape, mask and prep the house for them. Does that sound fair to anyone out there? Does anyone believe this to be an acceptable level of municipal service? I suppose that next they will want us to unfold the firemen’s hoses for them before they will attempt to douse the flames licking the roof of your home.

The city leaders certainly want you to shop at the retailers within their municipal boundaries so that you will funnel tax dollars into the city coffers. But, perish the thought that the sanitation department pick up the box which housed your $1,200 TV on which you paid 8.5%, or higher, sales tax not to mention the monthly fees collected specifically for trash collection. Again I ask, does anyone really believe that this is an acceptable level of city service?

So if you happen to know anyone in Del City that might be too old or too infirmed to brandish a box knife and cut that box down to size, and then of course bind it for easy pickup so that the magnanimous city employee behind the wheel will not have to take the 15 to 30 seconds necessary to pop out of the cab and lift the empty cardboard box into the truck’s trash receptacle, you might want to tell them about the city’s policy and remind them that good folks comprising the leadership of Del City are looking out for them.

Oh yes… please remind them to pay their sanitation fees in a timely manner.

Garbage In... Garbage Out

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I hate to cast aspersions on someone based upon their occupation. I am reluctant to follow public opinion and declare that all attorneys are unethical and driven only by greed and the desire for financial gain. I am also very careful to point out that not all physicians are motivated by altruistic goals and values. I would never say that ALL city employees are shiftless and lazy. I won’t paint all sanitation workers with a broad brush of being illiterate and at the pinnacle of their career. But I certainly will go so far as to say that the City of Del City workers who provide sanitation services to my street are without a doubt lazy and ineffective.

I had two cardboard boxes set out for pickup along with my normal trashcan. Well apparently Johnny the Garbage Wrangler decided that it was beneath him to get out of the cab of his garbage truck with the robotic arm and pick up these boxes. Apparently Johnny or whatever his name is feels that he will only do the job as he finds it convenient. How dare those paying for the service expect them to get out of their seat and actually do something. He clearly saw the boxes as he had to navigate his robotic arm around them.

Then when I called to complain about it, the individual who answered the phone hung up on me. I will stipulate that I told her she was, “Getting a little mouthy and that she kept trying to interrupt me.” Rather than attempt to offer further assistance she told me to “Attend your city council meeting tonight,” and hung up on me. I guess that she is just as effective in her position as that of the sanitation truck driver.

The City of Del City is not really garnering a shining reputation as being conducive to the needs of their citizenry and I would bet that they are not exactly civic champions when it comes to economic development as compared to their counterparts in MWC and OKC.

The leadership of Del City is so ineffective that they can not even persuade more than two supermarkets to move into the municipality. The residents of Del City have to either go to Walmart for their groceries or shop at Homeland and pay their outrageously high prices. Because of this we often go to Crest in Moore and donate to the City of Moore coffers.

The City of Del City has adopted the following Mission Statement which I find quite humorous as obviously they are clearly not intent on living up to it. Del City Mission Statement: "To provide the best municipal services possible to our community in a professional, efficient, and economical manner."

I’ve been a lifelong resident of the City of Del City and I have to say that I am really disappointed to see that the city government is degrading at the same rate as the property values.

Toys Are Still Cool

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Nothing seems to breed these entries quicker than general chitchat around the office. A few days ago myself and some colleagues were talking about the toys we used to play with as children. I decided that it was time to write an article about the toys I loved as a kid. Maybe some of them are your favorites as well or maybe you’ve never even heard of them, who knows?

When I think back about my favorite toys one of them has to be the western themed play set known as “Fort Apache” as shown above. I think I was about 5 or 6 when I got this and I can assure you I spent countless hours playing with this thing. I think it brought me about as much joy as any of the toys I ever had. I also loved Lincoln Logs. I think I was the Frank Lloyd Wright of Lincoln Logs

As long as we are talking about play sets I have to admit that I really loved the Fisher Price farm set just about as much as Ft. Apache. I bet I moved the barn door so that the cow sound would play at least 50,000 times. I probably kept that around for a few years longer than I should have. I think I even had that when I was about 12 years old.


Okay I was fortunate in that the kid down the street was 5 years older than me. I am speaking about local musician Michael Summers who performs from time to time at the UCO Jazz Lab. I grew up with this guy and half the time he tortured me and half the time we got a long pretty well. We played a lot of basketball in his driveway. One day I guess Mike thought he had outgrown all of his GI Joe stuff and he gave me the motherlode. He gave me the vehicle show below and the helicopter as well as several other vehicles and accessories. He even gave me the huge GI JOE tower with a cable that good old Joe could slide down to kick someone’s ass.

I guess I really loved the action figures because I was also fortunate enough to have the Lone Ranger and Tonto action figures as well. I can still remember the commercial for the Lone Ranger action figure. Of course it had the William Tell Overture playing in the background and they added some snazzy lyrics that described the flexibility of figure, “He can bend and twist and turn his wrist, even wrestle with Butch Cavendishhhhhh… He’s the Lone Ranger!” I have no clue who Butch Cavendish was, but apparently he was the Osama Bin Laden of his time and achieving his capture seemed paramount to the success of the Lone Ranger and Tonto. And of course the Six Million Dollar Man with Bionic Arm




The list of toys could go on and on. I mean who can forget Rockem Sockem Robots, Etch-a-Sketch, the huge variety of Hotwheels and Matchbox cars, other die cast cars, the quintessential Tonka Truck, Vibrating Football tables that never made any sense and of course the See’n Say Farmer Says that made animal noises when the string was pulled. This toy was so versatile that it could serve double duty as a weather forecasting dial or a space computer or anything you could imagine.

I had tons of cap guns and toy military rifles and all kinds of handcuffs and police sets of all varieties. I still lump things like baseball bats and various sports balls into the toy category even though they are technically sporting goods. I also like to think about things like “Spikeball.” Spikeball was a large yellow rubber ball that had soft rubber spikes protruding from it like an old WWII marine mine. All of the spikes were yellow like the rest of the ball except for one which was red. If you caught the ball by the red spike you got more points. We were also fortunate enough to live in a time when kids could still play with Lawn Darts… and we did!!!

As I recall at the time there were no stores that exclusively sold toys except for Toys by Roy in the mall and they were way overpriced. The best place for toys, hands down, was Service Merchandise. The back forty pages of the Service Merchandise catalog were like Mecca for a kid. Other good places were of course TG&Y, OTASCO and Gibsons.

Looking back I guess I was pretty fortunate to have parents who spoiled us and bought us good toys at Christmas and Birthday times. I know not all kids had it as good as we did and that really is something to think about as Christmas rolls around next December. Too bad you can’t buy them Lawn Darts anymore.