The Lost Weekend

.
.

Have you ever had one of those weekends where everything seems to run together and you can’t remember what all happened on which day? And I probably need to clarify that for some of my closest friends and that is, have you ever had one those weekends where everything seems to run together and you can’t remember what all happened on which day but you had not been drinking? That is the type of weekend I am currently wrapping up. Remember my weekend is Friday & Saturday. For it is on Sundays that I return to the salt mines to grind out the coveted offering to the powers that be.

It’s like I told one of my coworkers, the best thing about blogland is that you can write about, anything, everything or nothing. One might ask how someone can write about nothing. It’s simple, just ask the writers of Seinfeld and Thirtysomething. Thirtysomething was a show back in the early to mid 80’s that focused on several characters but in essence wasn’t really about much of anything, or at least anything that was of importance. In fact the only thing the show really offered up was Mel Harris… Oh how I miss her.

Friday began with me making a trip to a local restaurant to see a friend of mine, she wasn’t there. I then dropped by the office for a few moments to bid a fond farewell to a retiring coworker and then I dropped by AC’s house for a moment to sum up a bush he wants me to cut down for him. By this time it was 106 degrees, not an exaggeration, and I decided that it was time to go home and just kick back. I stopped by Braum’s on the way home for some ground beef and sausage. I figured I would do some more late night grilling that evening.

When I got home I learned that my little cousin would be spending the weekend with me so upon his arrival we chatted a bit. He played with Legos and I slapped on the headset and soon drifted off into a pretty deep sleep. After I woke up I realized it was about 6:30 and time to figure out something for dinner. The kid was getting hungry so I decided to go ahead and grill at that time rather than midnight when the temperatures are cooler. I went out and cooked up some burgers… pretty mundane stuff.

After dinner it was decided that some movie watching was in order. I didn’t know for sure what the kid would want to see so I delved into my somewhat limited DVD collection and decided that some African safari adventure would have to be the fare the evening. I selected King Solomon’s Mines, the original with Stewart Granger. When that was over it was decided that we really needed some snacks for the next film, which was yet to be determined at that time. So it was off to the Walgreen’s at 12:30 AM to raid the popcorn and chip aisle and acquire the final component essential to any good snacking session… yep, had to grab some Dew.

Getting back home around 1:00 AM we decided to watch some King Arthur with Clive Owen… I think it was Clive Owen… anyway it had Keira Knightley in it as well and that was all that was necessary to make it a good film. Every heterosexual male on the earth will tell you that hot chicks with guns are really sexy. Well I can tell you that hot chicks with bows and knives are three times as sexy. It’s just more earthy and guttural I guess. So we watched King Arthur where we learned that medieval bows could shoot with extreme accuracy at several hundred yards… wow who would have thought that? The show ended and I won’t spoil it for those who have yet to see it. I am just going to say that the dinosaur eating the villagers at the end was somewhat unexpected… and certainly under appreciated by the critics, hahaa. Off to the bed at 3:30.

So now this brings us to Saturday… I woke up around 8:30 and ambled into the living room and sought the solace of my beloved recliner for some good oneness with the throne from which I so often pontificate and decided that more sleep was warranted and quickly dozed back off. After waking two or three hours later, I decided that the 11 year old needed further education in the history of cinema since it was too hot to do anything outdoors. I decided that a James Bond marathon was in order. For some reason he just didn’t get into JB like I did at his age.

I decided to start with Die Another Day because it is simply impossible to have too much Rosamunde Pike. During the film, ye olde Twitter went off and it was OKC’s own media darling Bobbie Miller reaching out to her minions and asking them to forward her information and photos explaining what they were doing to “Beat the Heat.” Well seeing as Brad and I are devoted followers of all things KFOR we both answered her beckoning and sent her snapshots of what we were doing. Brad sent a picture of himself and his niece in Nebraska and I sent her the picture of the TV as you all can see above. It was now time for a late lunch.

Our service men and women are doing a great job in their initiative to combat terrorism and I commend them for both their service and their efforts. But let us not forget that at certain times the Pizza Hut guy can be considered a hero as well. He was kind enough to fetch us some of the essential staples of male snacking… Pizza and more of the highly coveted elixir of sanity, The Dew!!!

Sometime later we had an influx of other family members pay a visit and we talked about this, that and the other and it was decided that another family reunion was scheduled for sometime in October. After the various aunts and uncles left, the boy went back to the Legos and I donned the headset once more to seek out some new and interesting podcasts. I listened to a few of them about “Things We Should Know” and “Things You Never Learned in History Class” or something to that effect.

The rest of the time I just listened to the Ipod and a lot of the Scarlett Johansson and Pete Yorn album. I don’t normally like the mindless neo-pop of today, but Scarlett and Gabriella Cilmi have a vocal style I am starting to like more and more. The boy was content to play with Legos as long as anyone would allow him.

I decided to listen to a little Pandora for a while, the kid finally went to bed and I decided to pop on and write this wonderful piece of literature which has taken up about 10 minutes of your time and about 35 of mine. I am about to hit the submit button without any spell or grammar check so if there are errors you good folks will just have to deal with it for this posting (not that the others are error free by any stretch of the imagination) and hope for better things in the future.

See… It is very easy to write about nothing at all. Sorry AC… I went over the 800 word threshold.

One More Reason To Hate Walmart

.
.

Variety, quality products and great selection would seem like a winning combination for retail success. And for a while it was, but somewhere along the way things went wrong. It’s hard to say what it was that went wrong, I’m hardly an expert on economics or retail operations but I often wonder how I might do as a retailer. Trust me, this is going somewhere it’s just going to take me a moment to get there.

When I was a kid back in the mid to late 70’s, it wasn’t the Sears catalog that brought excitement and hopes of magnificent toys under the Christmas tree but rather the Service Merchandise catalog. For those of you too young to remember Service Merchandise was what was referred to as a catalog showroom in the parlance of retail lingo. In actuality it was a place where you could get quality goods at retail prices.

The way in which you shopped was a little different than in other stores. Service Merchandise was able to offer the shopper more selections because their retail shelves were not taken up by inventory. By this what I mean is that they had only one item on the shelves. They had the showroom sample out on the shelves but the inventory was kept in a warehouse in back. Let me explain this further. Let’s say that you wanted to buy an ashtray. Instead of having 4 different styles of ashtray and about 10 units of each model (for a total of 40 ashtrays on the shelf), Service Merchandise might have 40 different styles of ashtrays with their copies, for lack of a better term, all stored in the warehouse. Basically, it allowed them to display more products on the floor because the inventory was all maintained in the warehouse.

As stated earlier, the way one shopped was a little different than conventional retailers. Rather than picking up the item you wished to purchase and taking it to the checkout line, customers would look at the item they wanted and then jot down the item number on little plastic clipboards that were available at the front door. You would then present the clipboard to the clerk who would process the order and take your payment. In just a few minutes, warehouse personnel would pull your order from the shelves and then it would come out on a huge conveyor belt and the clerk would call your name. The customer then showed their receipt, picked up their loot and headed out the door.

Since Service Merchandise was a catalog showroom, they also had a very extensive catalog, usually between 500-600 pages. Customers could browse the catalog at home and write the item numbers down and then just hand them to the clerk when they arrived or there was even the convenience of phoning in your order and picking it up when you arrived at no additional cost. Basically they would shop for you

There was one exception to the process outlined above and that was the purchase of jewelry. Service Merchandise sold a lot of jewelry. Jewelry was one of the staples of Service Merchandise and from what I remember it wasn’t just the cheap stuff like you would find in general department stores. From what I remember the jewelry counter ran the gamut from cheap stuff up to pieces costing several thousand dollars. The higher end stuff was not featured in the catalog but a lot of the more moderate pieces were.

Besides jewelry, electronics were also prevalent at Service Merchandise. Like jewelry, they sold everything from the cheaper pre-fab stereos right up through the better component systems. I think I bought a pretty good tape deck back in the days at Service Merchandise. But the thing that all children zoomed to in the catalog was the toy section.

The last one fourth of the catalog was devoted to toys and I have to tell you that they had the hook up for just about any toy you could imagine. One of my coworkers and I were talking about how extensive the toy section of the catalog used to be and how a kid could sit for hours on end and gaze at the toy pages.

But like all good things, Service Merchandise came to an end. I’m not sure exactly when they closed. I know the last time I remember buying something there was back in the early to mid 90’s and I purchased it at the location out on NW Highway. There were several locations throughout the city. There was one at 74th & Penn, Heritage Park Mall, NW Highway and for a while there was a location on N, May near where Best Buy currently sits. I think that is the store that eventually moved to NW Highway into that shopping center where Pier 1 and Hideaway Pizza currently appear.

I really wish that the store had stuck around offering shoppers a better choice than the low grade crap that “The Mart” touts. From what I understand the store was somewhat reinvented in an online version which offers mostly jewelry. But online shopping still just doesn’t have the gusto of picking up something in your hands and looking at it before you make the purchase. I guess I am officially becoming the old man who steadfastly contends that everything was better when I was a kid.

Fine Dining For The Elementary Minded

.
.

Recently I decided that for several reasons I would start taking my lunch to work. The reasons are varied ranging from saving money to the hard to believe fact that I may need to lose a little weight. I know that may come as a surprise to those of you who know me, but yes it is true.
I thought to myself, what better time to buy a lunch box than right now? All of the "Back To School" sales will be in full swing and as you all know, the savings can be substantial at these times.

So with all of the wide eyed excitement and optimism of a person thirty some odd years my junior, I headed to the local Walmart, henceforth referred to merely as “The Mart,” where great quality and low prices greet you with each turn of the aisle.

I wasn't exactly sure what kind of lunch pail I was going to get but I had it narrowed down to about five. It was going to be either Scooby Doo, Speed Buggy, Land of the Lost or perhaps even Battlestar Galactica or if I was feeling totally macho maybe a Superman lunch pail.

I went to the big "Back to School" sale area to begin my quest. I knew I was in the right area of the store because there was a huge sign that said "Back to School Savings" hanging precariously from some monofillament fishing line. Even if I didn't find the lunch pail of my dreams I may be able to collect some good law suit money as I was certain that the sign may fall at any moment. I had Vaughn Conway on speed dial just in case.

I searched high and low but did not see any lunch pails. I looked and looked and looked some more and still did not find any lunch pails. Then it occurred to me that perhaps they had placed them in the toy department, because lunch pails are far too cool be lumped in with rulers, notebooks, binders and other generic staples of the classroom.

So my trip to the toy department was just as fruitless as my grand hopes and schemes of big law suit money. Sorry Vaughn, at this point we had both been shut out. So with the determination of an upstream swimming salmon I returned to the "Back To School" section to do battle with all of the others seeking their bargains.

I still had no luck in my search. So finally, with much dismay and a sense of total defeat, I sought out the visionaries in blue. I knew they would be able to help me because the back of their vests even said so! I approached my first "associate" and asked her where the lunch pails were located. With a look of confusion akin to that of a person crawling from the rubble of a collapsed building due to a horrific earthquake she looked me and said, "A what?" I reiterated my request and advised her that I was looking for a lunch pail. "You know maam, something to take your lunch to work or school in," I reprised.



"Oh we have these things over here," she said as she pointed to the small soft side coolers which I had seen many times throughout the day. I described my desire to her..."I want a small square metal box to take my lunch in." I wanted Scooby or Speed Buggy but at this point I would even settle for one of those plaid ones that the weird kids used to have.

She informed me that they didn't have anything like that but she did advise me that, “All of the cool kids use these kind right here," as she pointed to the small, flimsy, flexible, yet thoroughly insulated, pouch that in no way resembled a lunch pail. I asked if she was certain that the totally hip and future upwardly mobile executives of tomorrow were touting this particular model. She assured me, "This is the best seller."

At this point I was not sure whether to cry or puke. The room started spinning (and The Mart” is one big ass room), my eyes started watering, and my hands just kept compulsively balling up into fists as I bit my lip and fought back the tears.

It then occurred to me that the children of today were seriously being deprived of one of the greatest annual joys that a child could encounter next to Christmas. It was an annual rite of passage and pride when you went to select your new lunch pail.

I still remember my first. It was one of those with a hemispherical top that resembled a mailbox. The top had a hinged clip that held the thermos firmly in place. My Dad had chosen it, well because he was a mailman. Even though it was not the nutrition toting vessel of my choice, I still carried it with pride each and every day of the First Grade.

Second grade brought a "Disney Land" lunch pail. I guess Mom knew that the lunch pail was the closest thing our socio-economically challenged family would ever attain related to the Magic Kingdom itself.

Third grade finally brought the elusive holy grail of all lunch toting containers. The valued, and oft coveted, Scooby Doo. This time my Mom had actually delivered me to the TG&Y before the Scooby models had all sold out. Third grade was good to me and Scoob and I packed everything from PB&J to frozen pizza and left over hamburger in that Hanna Barberra trade marked box o' nutrition.

As Fourth Grade approached I decided that I was too old for cartoon themed dining accessories and opted for the NFL...only twenty eight teams back then, but a replica of each and every helmet and team logo adorned my beautiful new lunch pail.

Fifth grade brought a close to the lunch pail toting era of my institutionalized education. By fifth grade I had decided that I would eat in the cafeteria. As I reflected on the many joys that the various lunch pails brought I realized that the kids of today are truly missing out.
Can you slide one of these little "pouches" across the frozen ice only to hear it clang and clatter as it abruptly slams against the concrete retaining wall of the drainage ditch? Could these little pouches be used as a weapon which when properly swung could be an equalizer up against foes as old as an eighth grader? I think not.

This leaves me to wonder. If all the children of today have at their disposal are these little pouches...can America continue to remain a super power?

I'm A Pretty Good Detective Myself...

.
.

I was watching an episode of Magnum a couple of days ago and noticed an inconsistency that I thought, okay knew, that only a scant few of you could appreciate. You may have seen this episode. The episode is one in which Robin Masters is hosting a dinner party, that apparently has been planned for some time. All of a sudden, a hurricane brews up, despite the fact that hurricanes do not occur in the Pacific, but they do have typhoons I understand.

But anyway I shall move on. As you may or may not know, in the show’s latter seasons there was a great deal of concern as to whether or not Higgins was actually Robin Masters, the illustrious and mega wealthy author of tawdry pulp adventure novels. Well this episode set forth a series of revelations which would logically make it impossible for Higgins to be Robin Masters.

In this episode Robin has alerted Magnum to the fact that he has uncovered a plot in which he suspects one of his party guests (all old and established friends) has intentions of killing him, Robin that is. Well ALL of the guests are old and dear friends of Robin. So if Higgins was really Robin Masters, when Higgins answered the door, would they not address him as Robin, rather than Higgins? Of course they would!

Furthermore, this episode featured the voice over of Orson Wells and some unknown stand in who's face is never revealed. Anyway...to make a long story short, in the climactic ending the killer shoots a group of pillows under the covers believing she has killed Robin Masters. Then the lights turn on...and there stands NOT Higgins but the unidentified actor who speaks with the voice of Orson Wells. Who turns to his would be killer and says "Such treatment from such an old friend" or something to that effect.

The killer then turns to him and says it was, "Paris 1956, you and that chanteuse." But, the fact is that she is addressing the person whom at this point we KNOW to be Robin, and then a few moments later Higgins walks into the room to address both parties. So she could NOT have been addressing Higgins.

So...if Higgins had actually been Robin, and only hired the Orson Wells double to trick Magnum as Magnum contends in the next to last season...then why would the OLD FRIEND of Robin address the Orson Wells double when speaking to Robin? The old friend would only address Higgins as Robin if that were the case.

So this episode confirms once and for all that Jonathan Quail Higgins was NOT Robin Masters, but was rather simply the well traveled and overly qualified Major Domo that we all knew and loved.

But I have even more information....In this episode, we learn that Jonathan Quail Higgins earned a doctorate of Mathematics from Cambridge in 1947, just for what that's worth.Aren't you all glad that I have nothing better to do than sit home in front of the television and not only observe and deduce these matters of great importance, but also take the time to report them to you good folks?

Finally... A New Show I Like

.
.

As you all know I am sometimes given to writing about television. Most of my entries about TV concern the bashing of today’s programming followed with the obligatory proclamation that it lacks substance and intelligence. While this is true of most of the fare being offered up to viewers of the Twenty-First Century, there is one show that I think has some promise. Initially I would have scorned this program as nothing more than a T & A romp trying to recapture the halcyon days of Charlie’s Angels or perhaps its latter day counterpart She Spies. However I must admit that “Covert Affairs” offers more than one might think at first look.

The show is centered on a newly hired female CIA operative and her blind technical support assistant and mentor. Rounding out the cast of characters are her blindly ambitious handler and the departmental director, who just happens to be married to the ambitious handler. Their marital issues often cloud their working relationship, imagine that.

USA Network is the programmer for the series which doesn’t showcase any big name stars. Piper Perabo stars as our heroine Annie Walker. According to IMDB, she’s never had anything more than bit roles on television series and this is her first starring role. I am not going to lie to you good folks, if this girl were merely sitting at a news desk reading names from a phone book I would probably DVR it. The rest of the characters are also played by unfamiliar faces that have yet to make their starring debut. The only member of the cast that I recognize from any previous endeavors is Kari Matchett who had recurring roles on both Invasion and ER.

The show has parallel stories running in that each episode has its primary plot, but there is also an ever present back story arc that centers around a mysterious individual Annie met during the first episode and that individual’s relationship to the handler, the director and the CIA in general. The back story arc is sometimes woven into the primary episodic storyline but never really overshadows it, at least not yet, but I think that may soon change.

I encourage you all to give the show a chance. It airs on USA network with first runs coming out on Tuesdays at 9:00 PM Central. If you go to IMDB.com it will list the dates and times of previous shows including the pilot episode.