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I’ve been reading some books on personal finance lately. Well okay it was just one book and it was actually entitled “Personal Finance for Dummies.” But hey, it was a free loaner so I borrowed it from a guy at work. I really enjoyed the book and I have to admit that it gave me a lot of things to think about as far as money management, particularly the areas in which I spend way too much money. The reason I picked it up to begin with is because I have been thinking about the way in which I want to spend my retirement years. I’ve looked around and concluded that there are a few different types of elderly and retired folks out there.
Obviously there are those at the upper echelon of the pyramid who are able to retire and live quite well. They may even lead a better lifestyle than they did in their working years because they scrimped and saved as much as they could while working. Remember, once you are retired you’re probably not funneling any of what little income you get into a retirement fund. These are also probably people who are retired professionals such as attorneys and physicians who not only made more money in their working lives but were probably able to work several years longer than a blue collar worker because their occupations put far less physical strain and exertion on their bodies.
Let’s face it, at age 65 a doctor can continue to work but might cut back his hours whereas a 60 year old factory worker or brick mason might not be able to make do on less than 40 hours a week. Also when you work for yourself, like an attorney, physician or stockbroker, you have a more sympathetic boss than that of a day laborer or even a skilled machinist who ultimately works for someone else. In essence there are simply those individuals who will be blessed enough to spend their retirement years on the golf course or hanging out in Louie’s each day drinking at noon and waiting for their kids to meet them for lunch. It’s good to be one of these people but something tells me that my financial status will not allow me enter this elite sector.
Situated below these lucky folks are those who are retired and have enough to get by but can’t afford to frivolously spend their money by hanging out at Louie’s or paying green fees each day. These are people who are probably retired civil servants or retired from a company that has a generous pension plan. These are the people like my Mom who have a comfortable living but taking a cruise around the world is probably not within their reach.
The next group of retirees I’ve tended to notice are the semi-retired. They retired from a job at XYZ and they get their social security but for some reason or another they have a part time job at Walmart or Braum’s or one of the local fast food joints. They may have this part time job simply because they can’t stand to sit still. I have an uncle who fits into this category. At nearly 80 he works two or three jobs because he simply can not imagine sitting home and watching Maury and not being out there making some contribution to society. These are the working elderly who work by choice.
Then of course there are those retirees who work because they have to. These are the people I really feel sorry for. I remember one time I was in a Waffle House. The waitress was a lady in her late sixties or early seventies and you could tell that she was really tired. I thought about this lady and about my own Mom and how glad I was that my Mom didn’t have to work 8 or 10 hours a day doing a job meant for someone less than half her age.
Finally we have the last group and that is the elderly poor. These people are those who are simply too old and frail to work any longer. These are people who might have spent all their working lives in an occupation that didn’t pay well to begin with, let alone have any pension plans or 401-K plans. They probably didn’t even have health care or any benefits at all. They worked all their lives for others in low skilled, low income jobs and when they got too old to continue working (remember many of these are manual labor jobs or jobs that require a great deal of time on one’s feet or other physical exertion) they essentially had to quit and settle on some form of social security or other form of federal assistance.
In my way of thinking, these are the people for whom I probably have the most sympathy. It’s not as though these folks were deadbeats who couldn’t or wouldn’t work. These are people who busted their humps every day for x number of years and then when they had given everything they had, and could give no more, they were all but forgotten. These are the people you see who may not be homeless but may live in poorly maintained shotgun houses or in Section 8 apartments. These are the people who are always behind on their utilities and can’t afford cable TV or cell phones or other amenities that you and I take for granted. And there really are people out there who do have to make a choice between food and medicine. This final group is certainly not the one any of us want to find ourselves a part of when we reach 60 or 65.
So when I thought about the various groups listed above and also thought of all the people who might not neatly fit into one of the aforementioned categories but were possibly somewhere in between one or two of the strata, because not everyone falls into either one category or another, I asked myself not only which group do I want to be in, but which group do I think I will be in?
Obviously we all want to retire as well as we possibly can but our pre-retirement lives are often plagued with mortgages, dental bills, home repairs, car payments and other things that make adequate savings for retirement all but impossible. About all you can do is start saving as much as you can as early as you can. I’m not certain as to which of the above listed groups I will find myself attached. Who knows I may be one of those who doesn’t exactly fall neatly into one of these groups.
I think I will be one of those retirees who will be able to be somewhat content because I’ve actually thought about it some. I think I’ll be able to be relatively happy as long as I have a place to sit on the porch, read my books, listen to my music and watch some form of television. I have no delusions that I will be like one of those people on the Fidelity or Liberty Mutual commercials who talk about moving to Europe to start a winery or live in Egypt on an archaeological dig. I just hope I will be able to have some reliable form of transportation so that I can get to the library and maybe join one of those groups of old geezers who sit at Denny’s and bitch about everything.
I know that whatever situation in which I find myself will be of my own doing. I don’t see myself marrying some rich widow and I don’t see myself winning the lottery. But hopefully, I will be able to rein in my current wasteful spending habits and channel more of that into savings for both pre and post retirement activities. I guess the only thing we can do is check back on this post in 20 years and see what has happened. Wish me well.
Remember it is never too early or too late to start saving or increase your savings whether it be for retirement or emergency funds when the water heater breaks. We can’t control everything. Strokes, heart attacks, floods and other things over which we have little or no control, and usually no warning, can lead to financial ruin if you’re not adequately insured. So remember, don’t skimp on your insurance because as sure as you do, you will need it. Life just works that way.
All we can do is prepare for retirement as best we can. Just remember every little bit helps whether it is only $50 a month or $50 a week and the earlier you start the better. I know it sounds simple but according to the books I’ve been reading a large percentage of those aged 35 – 50 have not even begun to save for retirement. Save early and save often.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
And Ride The White Horse
A couple of days ago I decided that I wanted to watch a movie. I don't watch a lot of movies and I rarely watch a movie I've already seen. But for some reason I wanted to see Robin Hood with Russel Crowe. I hopped into the truck and hit up the Redbox to snag a copy.
I was watching the movie and at one point I remembered something that had intrigued me a great deal the first time I saw the film. I had always planned to "look up" and study a landmark that was referenced in the film to see if it was real. At one point in the film just before the decisive battle Robin Hood and all of those who had decreed to ride for the evil King John rendezvoused at a point referred to as "The White Horse."
In the film, the white horse carved into the side of a hill is really impressive. I did some checking to see if the landmark really did exist and the answer is both yes and no. There is indeed a white horse carved into the side of a hill using natural chalk deposits to make it stand out from the surrounding grass. In all actuality there are numerous "White Horses" carved into various hills throughout the English countryside. However, it appears that the image used in the film is probably computer generated because I looked at numerous white horse "turf cuttings" as they are called. and I could not find any of them that matched the image in the film. The image in the film is just too precise and perfect when compared to those adorning the hills of jolly old England.
The image above depicts the oldest and most famous of these landmarks known as the "Uffington White Horse" which has been determined to be approximately 3,000 years old based upon a means of radiating the chalk to determine its age. Kind of like Carbon dating but not exactly. The other turf cutting landmarks are far newer and were cut in the 17th, 18th & 19th Centuries. Historians all agree that at the time the Robin Hood film was supposed to have taken place, in the 12th Century, the only "White Horse" in existence at the time was the Uffington.
I watched Robin Hood on Friday afternoon. As coincidence would have it, on Saturday afternoon I was in a local restaurant and there was a group of tourists from the UK at the table next to us. They were a group ranging in age from probably 35 - 65. I asked them if they knew of the Uffington White Horse and only the oldest gentleman had a clue of what I was speaking. He said that he had been there many years ago and he found it to be quite interesting and recommended it as a place of interest if you were already somewhat close but said it wasn't worth crossing the Atlantic.
When I first saw the image in the film and then found out that it at existed on some level I asked myself, How could I not know this? Weird stuff like this is right up my alley. How could this obscure item have escaped my knowledge? I went back to my bookcase and reached down to the bottom shelf where the beloved annals of wisdom know as the World Book Encyclopedia is stored and got volumes "U" for Uffington and "W" for White Horse. Sadly, and much to my complete surprise, the good folks at World Book had never seen fit, at least up until 1968, to include a reference article about the Uffington White Horse. Oh the shock, sadness and dismay that filled my abode that gloomy Saturday morning.
If you're like me and enjoy the strange things like this I encourage you to do a Google search for "Uffington White Horse" and you will also find references to the other turf cuttings as well.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Any Chance You'd Just Give Me The Remote? Important Factors When Selecting A Sports Bar
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It’s now less than two weeks until the opening day of the College Football season. As I mentioned in the earlier post “Let the Games Begin… Well Kinda” I’m really looking forward to the NCAA season. I still haven’t decided which game is going to be the best. I haven’t even decided which games I’m going to watch. There’s still time to review the match ups and see what looks most promising. But there ‘s one more pretty important factor that has been yet to be determined and that is where to watch the games.
Each year some of my friends and I have gathered in one sports bar or another each Saturday to watch the various games. Most of the time, we choose our old familiar Buffalo Wild Wings on NW Expressway. But this year we’re not so certain. We’ve not been to the BWW in a while and when we went yesterday it just didn’t seem the same. Don’t get me wrong we still love Shelly and Tayler and Juli but the atmosphere just wasn’t the same. A lot of people think we will go to Twin Peaks since we’ve been going there quite often. But that’s not necessarily the case.
Twin Peaks is a great place to hang out and it really works well as a themed restaurant. But anyway you look at it, Twin Peaks just doesn’t have that sports bar feel to it. They have a great array of TV’s and I’m sure they subscribe to all of the best sports packages from their satellite provider but the problem is that there are only a few “optimal” seating positions and the popularity of the restaurant means that you might not get a really good seat for watching the games. .
When we select a sports bar we look at just about every seat in the house and see how many TV’s are in viewing range and set at the proper angle. Yes I’m pretty anal about stuff like that. We tried Emerson Bigguns but that was really a disappointment each time we went.
Believe it or not, one of the better places to watch one specific game is Louie’s on Meridian or Louie’s in Edmond if you can get the bartender to choose the particular game you want to see. The layout is great and the staff is always friendly. The menu is pretty diverse and is always affordable, The intangibles such as atmosphere and clientele is as good as any other place. If you’re going to watch one specific game and not trying to view too many different options, the two Louie’s locations mentioned above are pretty good choices.
I think another viable option might be the BWW on Danforth in Edmond. This BWW has not been upgraded to what they call a Gen III store so it still has the look and feel of the old school BWW restaurants. Plus they keep the room really dark so there’s not as much glare as there is at other BWW locations. The only down side to this location is the distance. From my house to the Edmond BWW it’s almost 30 miles.
One of the less obvious places that we might consider would be the sports bar at Firelake Casino. They have great surroundings and I genuinely like the atmosphere. The seating is great and the chairs are really comfortable. Doing a 10 hour stint in this place would not be difficult at all. Plus you can sit back and watch for your Keno numbers. While Keno is the ultimate sucker game, at just $1 a pop it’s still pretty fun.
So as of right now, we’re still undecided but I’m fairly certain that at least one or two Saturdays will be spent at the home turf BWW just for the sake of nostalgia but the other locations are still up for grabs. I’ll keep you advised as I’m sure that this has been weighing pretty heavily on your minds.
By the way, in case you're wondering, the picture I snagged for the generic sports bar is actually located on a cruise ship. It seems that the Holland America line has a ship by the name of MS. Noordam and that is the ship's sports bar. I've never really wanted to go on a cruise until just this moment. Anyone know the Dutch word for "Babygoat?"
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It’s now less than two weeks until the opening day of the College Football season. As I mentioned in the earlier post “Let the Games Begin… Well Kinda” I’m really looking forward to the NCAA season. I still haven’t decided which game is going to be the best. I haven’t even decided which games I’m going to watch. There’s still time to review the match ups and see what looks most promising. But there ‘s one more pretty important factor that has been yet to be determined and that is where to watch the games.
Each year some of my friends and I have gathered in one sports bar or another each Saturday to watch the various games. Most of the time, we choose our old familiar Buffalo Wild Wings on NW Expressway. But this year we’re not so certain. We’ve not been to the BWW in a while and when we went yesterday it just didn’t seem the same. Don’t get me wrong we still love Shelly and Tayler and Juli but the atmosphere just wasn’t the same. A lot of people think we will go to Twin Peaks since we’ve been going there quite often. But that’s not necessarily the case.
Twin Peaks is a great place to hang out and it really works well as a themed restaurant. But anyway you look at it, Twin Peaks just doesn’t have that sports bar feel to it. They have a great array of TV’s and I’m sure they subscribe to all of the best sports packages from their satellite provider but the problem is that there are only a few “optimal” seating positions and the popularity of the restaurant means that you might not get a really good seat for watching the games. .
When we select a sports bar we look at just about every seat in the house and see how many TV’s are in viewing range and set at the proper angle. Yes I’m pretty anal about stuff like that. We tried Emerson Bigguns but that was really a disappointment each time we went.
Believe it or not, one of the better places to watch one specific game is Louie’s on Meridian or Louie’s in Edmond if you can get the bartender to choose the particular game you want to see. The layout is great and the staff is always friendly. The menu is pretty diverse and is always affordable, The intangibles such as atmosphere and clientele is as good as any other place. If you’re going to watch one specific game and not trying to view too many different options, the two Louie’s locations mentioned above are pretty good choices.
I think another viable option might be the BWW on Danforth in Edmond. This BWW has not been upgraded to what they call a Gen III store so it still has the look and feel of the old school BWW restaurants. Plus they keep the room really dark so there’s not as much glare as there is at other BWW locations. The only down side to this location is the distance. From my house to the Edmond BWW it’s almost 30 miles.
One of the less obvious places that we might consider would be the sports bar at Firelake Casino. They have great surroundings and I genuinely like the atmosphere. The seating is great and the chairs are really comfortable. Doing a 10 hour stint in this place would not be difficult at all. Plus you can sit back and watch for your Keno numbers. While Keno is the ultimate sucker game, at just $1 a pop it’s still pretty fun.
So as of right now, we’re still undecided but I’m fairly certain that at least one or two Saturdays will be spent at the home turf BWW just for the sake of nostalgia but the other locations are still up for grabs. I’ll keep you advised as I’m sure that this has been weighing pretty heavily on your minds.
By the way, in case you're wondering, the picture I snagged for the generic sports bar is actually located on a cruise ship. It seems that the Holland America line has a ship by the name of MS. Noordam and that is the ship's sports bar. I've never really wanted to go on a cruise until just this moment. Anyone know the Dutch word for "Babygoat?"
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Fridays Will Never be The Same
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For quite some time I’ve been wanting to write a post about a certain aspect of pop culture that I have been intrigued with since I was a child. I’ve decided that if I were to write it as one single post it would be far too lengthy to keep most readers interested so I am going to borrow a page from Steven King and just as he did with “The Green Mile,” I am going to stretch this subject out over a series of posts. So every Friday for the next few weeks I am going to release a new post in my series, “The Best of Bond.”
I want to preface this first post by saying that I think the James Bond franchise is probably most popular with males in my particular demographic and age bracket. When I was a kid, I always looked forward to the release of the next Bond installment. And while I may not catch it in the theater, I still manage to see the latest Bond film as quickly as I can. I don’t think the franchise is quite as popular as it was back when it debuted in the 60’s, when it was at its pinnacle, but it still has a commercially successful following and the films try to adapt to insure that they remain contemporary with the date of their release.
I’ve decided to address the most often asked Bond question and that is, who is the best James Bond? Obviously this is a question that has no right or wrong answer because all of the answers are merely opinions. There is no scientific method for figuring out which actor best portrayed the role. One thing I do find interesting is that each time this question is asked, at least among my peers, it seems as though the only viable answers are Sean Connery and Roger Moore. It’s almost as though Lazenby, Dalton, Brosnan and Craig are disqualified. But I will stipulate that I usually only discuss Bond with other males in my age group. Perhaps if I were to ask a 17 year old girl she would have a different answer. But with the series declining in popularity over the years I’m not sure a 17 year old girl would even know who James Bond was, let alone Roger Moore.
I think that for most people their favorite Bond actor is the first one they see. Naturally that is the actor with whom they will usually associate the role. Obviously because of my age, the first Bond actor I saw was Sean Connery. Goldfinger was my first Bond film. I saw it on television of course and I was a really young kid but I liked the nerve gas scenes. That might get me and this blog put on all kinds of watch lists but it really impressed me the way that waves of soldiers would drop and die as the planes flew overhead. My thought was, “Wow that’s pretty cool.”
I’ve read that females usually prefer Sean Connery to Roger Moore because of his appearance and voice. Many people give Connery the nod just because they resent change and tend to support the original. I think that both Connery and Moore are really good. I also think they have a bit of advantage because they were able to star in better films. Don’t get me wrong, in my opinion there’s no such thing as a bad Bond film. But, "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig really pushed me to the limits as to what I can accept as a Bond fan. It just didn’t seem to fit in with the other films of the franchise. I just didn’t feel like it was spectacular enough. And as long as I am bashing the film I will go ahead and say that the opening sequence with all of the free running was just too long. But I am getting away from the central point and that is which actor is the best Bond?
As I was saying earlier it seems that most people limit the “Best Bond” argument to Connery and Moore. I really don’t think that’s fair any longer. Most people never gave Timothy Dalton a chance because no one likes the new guy. Pierce Brosnan entered the race too late in life. Had he not been under contract for “Remington Steele” he would have assumed the role immediately after “A View to a Kill” which was Moore’s last film. I’m not sure how I feel about Daniel Craig. I really liked him in “Defiance” and yeah, he was good in “Cowboys and Aliens” but I’m not sure how he will carry on the Bond role. I just hope that he is allowed to carry out the role for at least a couple more pictures. They say all good things must end but I certainly hope that the Bond franchise doesn’t end while I’m still alive.
So now we come to the part where I have to put my cards on the table and tell who I think is the “Best Bond.” I am going to take a bit of blogger’s license and give you two answers. Bet you didn’t see that coming. So here is my personal opinion on two aspects of “Best Bond.”
I think that if I had to pick the best Bond I would choose Pierce Brosnan. The man was just born to play the part. He’s smooth, he’s articulate, he’s quintessentially British and I think he just looks the part. Right now my friends with whom I’ve discussed this in the past are probably surprised because I have always touted the merits of Roger Moore. So let me clarify this a bit. I think Pierce Brosnan is the best Bond but Roger Moore is my favorite Bond. As always…. Your mileage may vary. Tune in next Friday when I render my opinion on the best Bond vehicle.
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This may come as a total shock to some of my closest friends but I have been known to procrastinate a bit. In fact I will go ahead and confess that if they held a procrastination Olympics the smart money would certainly be on the fat guy from Del City. The bookmakers of London’s High Street would definitely put me down as a lock.
For quite some time I’ve been wanting to write a post about a certain aspect of pop culture that I have been intrigued with since I was a child. I’ve decided that if I were to write it as one single post it would be far too lengthy to keep most readers interested so I am going to borrow a page from Steven King and just as he did with “The Green Mile,” I am going to stretch this subject out over a series of posts. So every Friday for the next few weeks I am going to release a new post in my series, “The Best of Bond.”
I want to preface this first post by saying that I think the James Bond franchise is probably most popular with males in my particular demographic and age bracket. When I was a kid, I always looked forward to the release of the next Bond installment. And while I may not catch it in the theater, I still manage to see the latest Bond film as quickly as I can. I don’t think the franchise is quite as popular as it was back when it debuted in the 60’s, when it was at its pinnacle, but it still has a commercially successful following and the films try to adapt to insure that they remain contemporary with the date of their release.
I’ve decided to address the most often asked Bond question and that is, who is the best James Bond? Obviously this is a question that has no right or wrong answer because all of the answers are merely opinions. There is no scientific method for figuring out which actor best portrayed the role. One thing I do find interesting is that each time this question is asked, at least among my peers, it seems as though the only viable answers are Sean Connery and Roger Moore. It’s almost as though Lazenby, Dalton, Brosnan and Craig are disqualified. But I will stipulate that I usually only discuss Bond with other males in my age group. Perhaps if I were to ask a 17 year old girl she would have a different answer. But with the series declining in popularity over the years I’m not sure a 17 year old girl would even know who James Bond was, let alone Roger Moore.
I think that for most people their favorite Bond actor is the first one they see. Naturally that is the actor with whom they will usually associate the role. Obviously because of my age, the first Bond actor I saw was Sean Connery. Goldfinger was my first Bond film. I saw it on television of course and I was a really young kid but I liked the nerve gas scenes. That might get me and this blog put on all kinds of watch lists but it really impressed me the way that waves of soldiers would drop and die as the planes flew overhead. My thought was, “Wow that’s pretty cool.”
I’ve read that females usually prefer Sean Connery to Roger Moore because of his appearance and voice. Many people give Connery the nod just because they resent change and tend to support the original. I think that both Connery and Moore are really good. I also think they have a bit of advantage because they were able to star in better films. Don’t get me wrong, in my opinion there’s no such thing as a bad Bond film. But, "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig really pushed me to the limits as to what I can accept as a Bond fan. It just didn’t seem to fit in with the other films of the franchise. I just didn’t feel like it was spectacular enough. And as long as I am bashing the film I will go ahead and say that the opening sequence with all of the free running was just too long. But I am getting away from the central point and that is which actor is the best Bond?
As I was saying earlier it seems that most people limit the “Best Bond” argument to Connery and Moore. I really don’t think that’s fair any longer. Most people never gave Timothy Dalton a chance because no one likes the new guy. Pierce Brosnan entered the race too late in life. Had he not been under contract for “Remington Steele” he would have assumed the role immediately after “A View to a Kill” which was Moore’s last film. I’m not sure how I feel about Daniel Craig. I really liked him in “Defiance” and yeah, he was good in “Cowboys and Aliens” but I’m not sure how he will carry on the Bond role. I just hope that he is allowed to carry out the role for at least a couple more pictures. They say all good things must end but I certainly hope that the Bond franchise doesn’t end while I’m still alive.
So now we come to the part where I have to put my cards on the table and tell who I think is the “Best Bond.” I am going to take a bit of blogger’s license and give you two answers. Bet you didn’t see that coming. So here is my personal opinion on two aspects of “Best Bond.”
I think that if I had to pick the best Bond I would choose Pierce Brosnan. The man was just born to play the part. He’s smooth, he’s articulate, he’s quintessentially British and I think he just looks the part. Right now my friends with whom I’ve discussed this in the past are probably surprised because I have always touted the merits of Roger Moore. So let me clarify this a bit. I think Pierce Brosnan is the best Bond but Roger Moore is my favorite Bond. As always…. Your mileage may vary. Tune in next Friday when I render my opinion on the best Bond vehicle.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Ohhhh Now It All Makes Sense
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Sure I was on my way back from the Boss’s cubicle after getting dressed down because I forgot to throw in the obligatory, “Thank you for calling.” I would normally be upset and on the verge of spewing forth a venomous string of vulgarity not heard since Andrew Dice Clay retired. But fortunately for me and those around me I can look at the pretty pictures of places, events and activities which can only be realized by those making about eight times as much money as I do.
Several years ago I worked for a company in Stillwater, OK that made sound cards and CD-ROM drives for computers. One day our quite pompous HR manager decided to call us into a conference room so he could tell us all how much he knew about “Vision Statements” and what our company’s new vision statement meant to us and the wonderful things that would now happen in the company because by God we were no longer drifting precariously about the corporate sea with no rudder. We now had a Vision Statement. All hail the great and powerful Vision Statement!
The pompous HR man looked at him and said, “That’s great Steve. Your Dad sounds like a real go getter,” or something to that effect. Then he turns back to Steve and said, “Well I’m sure that a successful man like your Dad has a great vision statement. What is his vision statement?”
Here’s the great part. Steve looked at me, then looked back to him and said, “Well I don’t think he has one.”
Mr. Pompous looked puzzled and then had the nerve to say, “Well that can’t be. I’m sure he has something that drives him or motivates him to run his business and be productive.” In classic Steve style he got a little grin on his face and said, “Well I guess what motivates him is when someone calls for an order and he says, I guess I’ll have to put my beer down and go make some gauges.” Right there in one sentence Steve had undermined the entire effort put forth by Mr. Windbag, previously referred to as Mr. Pompous but I wanted to give additional details about the individual, about how important vision statements are.
The idea that an individual could build a successful multi-million dollar company without ordering a huge poster which had their vision statement emblazoned on it was more than the guy could take. It was one of the best moments I have ever witnessed in any meeting.
I am going to sum all of this up in one paragraph. You can either look at motivational posters and memorize your company’s Vision Statements and Mission Statements or you can spend all of that time doing your job. There are two kinds of people in this world, Talkers and Do’ers. Steve’s Dad is successful because he is a Do’er. Others are not successful because they sit around looking at posters and trying to make sense of the vision statement. It’s just that simple.
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Sometimes we get the pleasure of going to other folks’ offices and seeing what their little corporate prison… err I mean office is like. I like to look at the walls and see what kind of motivational posters are framed at eye level. I guess corporate America thinks that if they show the workers interesting pictures with catchy words and phrases underneath it will inspire the staff to work that much harder. I know that when I am kind of tired and hitting that Two O’ Clock lull nothing makes me want to work harder than when I see a nice framed photo of an anonymous person hang gliding through a scenic valley neatly centered over thought provoking words such as “Imagine” or “Limitless Horizons” or “Solitude” written in 3” letters.
Sure I was on my way back from the Boss’s cubicle after getting dressed down because I forgot to throw in the obligatory, “Thank you for calling.” I would normally be upset and on the verge of spewing forth a venomous string of vulgarity not heard since Andrew Dice Clay retired. But fortunately for me and those around me I can look at the pretty pictures of places, events and activities which can only be realized by those making about eight times as much money as I do.
I mean who in their right mind could remain angry with an employer who has pictures of Tuscan villas depicting skinny, rich, white people drinking cabernet? After all the one word on the poster tells us that all we need do to be happy is to “Dream.” What exactly is it that we are supposed to dream about? Are we supposed to dream that if we made an extra $50K that year we too could flock to sunny old Italy and wander the fields and vineyards like Michael Corleone while he lays low until the heat dies down?
Do they really think these things have any impact on productivity? Do they think these “icons” of perceived corporate culture boost morale or productivity? I learned that they are called “icons” of organizational culture from my big ol’ book o’ corporate culture studies at the university. I feel so proud being able to share that with you all.
Another thing I will add to the line of corporate iconic worship is the ever faithful vision statement. Now remember the vision statement is not to be confused with the mission statement. Even though both terms were probably coined by the same consultant and realistically mean about the same thing we must never confuse the two. That would be like spearing a nice chunk of rib eye with your salad fork, a faux pas of the most egregious nature. So say it with me kids just so we are all on the same page. “Vision Statement means X. Mission Statement means Y. And finally, Objective Statement means Z” I’m glad we now understand what these are and how they pertain to our daily lives.
Several years ago I worked for a company in Stillwater, OK that made sound cards and CD-ROM drives for computers. One day our quite pompous HR manager decided to call us into a conference room so he could tell us all how much he knew about “Vision Statements” and what our company’s new vision statement meant to us and the wonderful things that would now happen in the company because by God we were no longer drifting precariously about the corporate sea with no rudder. We now had a Vision Statement. All hail the great and powerful Vision Statement!
But before he unveiled the wonderful company vision statement he asked us who we most admired. Now this is one of the moments in corporate evangelism that I shall never forget. My good friend Steve raised his hand and said, “I most admire my Dad because he was able to go into business on his own and through hard work and determination he was able to build a very successful business in the oilfield industry.”
The pompous HR man looked at him and said, “That’s great Steve. Your Dad sounds like a real go getter,” or something to that effect. Then he turns back to Steve and said, “Well I’m sure that a successful man like your Dad has a great vision statement. What is his vision statement?”
Here’s the great part. Steve looked at me, then looked back to him and said, “Well I don’t think he has one.”
Mr. Pompous looked puzzled and then had the nerve to say, “Well that can’t be. I’m sure he has something that drives him or motivates him to run his business and be productive.” In classic Steve style he got a little grin on his face and said, “Well I guess what motivates him is when someone calls for an order and he says, I guess I’ll have to put my beer down and go make some gauges.” Right there in one sentence Steve had undermined the entire effort put forth by Mr. Windbag, previously referred to as Mr. Pompous but I wanted to give additional details about the individual, about how important vision statements are.
The idea that an individual could build a successful multi-million dollar company without ordering a huge poster which had their vision statement emblazoned on it was more than the guy could take. It was one of the best moments I have ever witnessed in any meeting.
I am going to sum all of this up in one paragraph. You can either look at motivational posters and memorize your company’s Vision Statements and Mission Statements or you can spend all of that time doing your job. There are two kinds of people in this world, Talkers and Do’ers. Steve’s Dad is successful because he is a Do’er. Others are not successful because they sit around looking at posters and trying to make sense of the vision statement. It’s just that simple.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Because I Said So!!!!
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A few days ago I went to post something here to the site and I realized that it had been well over two months since I had uploaded a post. I wrote a couple of posts and remembered how much I enjoyed it and why I do it. The one thing I wasn’t sure of was why I stopped posting to begin with. I guess that like many things in life apathy may be to blame. It seems that once you let apathy get a foothold in the door it just pushes through like a politician in search of a check.
So for one reason or another I stopped posting for a while and I would say that I regret it, and on some level I’m sure I do, but the fact is that had I not stopped, I could never have appreciated returning to the keyboard the way I have this week. I’ve really enjoyed the posts I’ve put up lately, especially the one about the encyclopedias. I think one of the reasons I stopped a couple of months ago was because I never really felt like any of the posts were good enough to upload. I always felt that I could have written them better.
A few days ago I was reading a book by Jon Acuff, one of the more successful bloggers out there and he pointed out that not every post has to be worthy of a Pulitzer. He went on to say that it was far better to have a visible, published post that was only 90% satisfactory than to have only the idea rattling around your head for no one to see. So I guess I am going to throw caution to the wind and upload things that I’m not totally satisfied with because I honestly feel that if I keep kicking them around and editing them until I’m perfectly satisfied with them they will never see the world wide web.
There are a few of the older posts that I really enjoy such as “Fine Dining for the Elementary Minded” in which I chronicle my trip to Walmart in search of the perfect lunch pail that had eluded me as a child. I like the post I wrote about the preservation of Auschwitz and I guess that I have to say that I also enjoyed my recollection of a lazy summer weekend entitled, “The Lost Weekend.” Now there’s an original title.
But the point is that I am going to post more and worry less. If someone doesn’t like a post or if I don’t get my central message across in the exact manner that I had hoped then so be it. I guess I need to remember that the Number 1 rule of Blogland is that it’s my blog and what I say goes.
Carry On…
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A few days ago I went to post something here to the site and I realized that it had been well over two months since I had uploaded a post. I wrote a couple of posts and remembered how much I enjoyed it and why I do it. The one thing I wasn’t sure of was why I stopped posting to begin with. I guess that like many things in life apathy may be to blame. It seems that once you let apathy get a foothold in the door it just pushes through like a politician in search of a check.
So for one reason or another I stopped posting for a while and I would say that I regret it, and on some level I’m sure I do, but the fact is that had I not stopped, I could never have appreciated returning to the keyboard the way I have this week. I’ve really enjoyed the posts I’ve put up lately, especially the one about the encyclopedias. I think one of the reasons I stopped a couple of months ago was because I never really felt like any of the posts were good enough to upload. I always felt that I could have written them better.
A few days ago I was reading a book by Jon Acuff, one of the more successful bloggers out there and he pointed out that not every post has to be worthy of a Pulitzer. He went on to say that it was far better to have a visible, published post that was only 90% satisfactory than to have only the idea rattling around your head for no one to see. So I guess I am going to throw caution to the wind and upload things that I’m not totally satisfied with because I honestly feel that if I keep kicking them around and editing them until I’m perfectly satisfied with them they will never see the world wide web.
There are a few of the older posts that I really enjoy such as “Fine Dining for the Elementary Minded” in which I chronicle my trip to Walmart in search of the perfect lunch pail that had eluded me as a child. I like the post I wrote about the preservation of Auschwitz and I guess that I have to say that I also enjoyed my recollection of a lazy summer weekend entitled, “The Lost Weekend.” Now there’s an original title.
But the point is that I am going to post more and worry less. If someone doesn’t like a post or if I don’t get my central message across in the exact manner that I had hoped then so be it. I guess I need to remember that the Number 1 rule of Blogland is that it’s my blog and what I say goes.
Carry On…
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Yabba Dabba Doo, The King Is Gone And So Are You...
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I don’t remember where I was when JFK was shot. Oh wait, I wasn’t born yet. I’m old but not THAT old. I know that for most of my friends they can relate to that because they weren’t alive yet either. But one event that I can remember which preceded most of their births was the day Elvis died. Yes you guessed it. It’s August 16th and I am going to do an Elvis Blog.
One day a few years ago I was hanging out at the lake with a few friends and somehow we stumbled onto the topic of where we were when we heard Elvis died. I’m not certain what prompted us to bring up the discussion, perhaps that day too was August 16th and provided a natural segue. I know I was a little kid about ten years old and I was sitting out in the garage on a wooden crate and my sister opened the garage door and told me that Elvis had been found dead.
I wasn’t really a fan at the time. I didn’t know the man personally so I took the news about like I would have it someone had told me that some anonymous person on the other side of town had died. I was pretty much neutral. Even though I wasn’t a fan I still remember many of the events of that day as they continued into the night. The news was different back in those days. They simply broke in and reported the news and then went back to regular programming and waited until the 6:00 PM show to rehash it. No sporty logo designed just for the story, no catchy phrase to term the event, just a simple news story and a few extra moments coverage.
I remember that night my sister went to a Steve Miller concert and I was forced to tag along with my parents down to the Skirvin Hotel where they were meeting my uncle who was in town for a religious convention. He’s a minister ya know! I remember of course that the next few days turned into a media frenzy and the only words you could hear on the television were "Elvis" and "The King."
My friend Vince said that he knew where he was when he heard Elvis was dead because it happened to be the same place he was when he heard that John Wayne was dead. Vince was headed home to Frederick when he stopped at the Jerry’s restaurant in Chickasha. One of the guys standing around laughed and said, “Damn stop going there!”
One of the best stories I’ve ever heard recounting someone’s whereabouts when they heard Elvis had died was an acquaintance of mine named Hank. If you go back and read one of my earliest posts, “Elvis has Left the Louie’s” you will learn all about Hank. Hank is a whiskey drinking, karaoke singing Elvis impersonator. Heck he even has his own homemade CD of himself belting out some of The King’s standards.
One night Brad and I were in Louie’s on Meridian and Hank was there to sing some Karaoke and serenade the lovely Natlie’ as she poured drinks behind the bar. In between “sets” Hank was taking a breather and I took the opportunity to ask where he was when he heard the news that Elvis had died. He looked at me and in his best Elvis voice told me that he was driving on the 66th street bridge over I-35 headed to Crossroads Mall when the news came over the radio. He said he just had to pull over for a few minutes and get his bearings. Now it wasn’t so much the words of Hank’s story that made it so enjoyable but his cadence and delivery as he told the entire story in the voice and mannerisms of The King himself.
So to Hank and all you other Elvis impersonators out there knock yourselves out tonight and sing a lively rendition of Don’t Be Cruel for me. And to those of you who were able to stay with it and read the story all the way through… Well, you know what I would say.
One day a few years ago I was hanging out at the lake with a few friends and somehow we stumbled onto the topic of where we were when we heard Elvis died. I’m not certain what prompted us to bring up the discussion, perhaps that day too was August 16th and provided a natural segue. I know I was a little kid about ten years old and I was sitting out in the garage on a wooden crate and my sister opened the garage door and told me that Elvis had been found dead.
I wasn’t really a fan at the time. I didn’t know the man personally so I took the news about like I would have it someone had told me that some anonymous person on the other side of town had died. I was pretty much neutral. Even though I wasn’t a fan I still remember many of the events of that day as they continued into the night. The news was different back in those days. They simply broke in and reported the news and then went back to regular programming and waited until the 6:00 PM show to rehash it. No sporty logo designed just for the story, no catchy phrase to term the event, just a simple news story and a few extra moments coverage.
I remember that night my sister went to a Steve Miller concert and I was forced to tag along with my parents down to the Skirvin Hotel where they were meeting my uncle who was in town for a religious convention. He’s a minister ya know! I remember of course that the next few days turned into a media frenzy and the only words you could hear on the television were "Elvis" and "The King."
My friend Vince said that he knew where he was when he heard Elvis was dead because it happened to be the same place he was when he heard that John Wayne was dead. Vince was headed home to Frederick when he stopped at the Jerry’s restaurant in Chickasha. One of the guys standing around laughed and said, “Damn stop going there!”
One of the best stories I’ve ever heard recounting someone’s whereabouts when they heard Elvis had died was an acquaintance of mine named Hank. If you go back and read one of my earliest posts, “Elvis has Left the Louie’s” you will learn all about Hank. Hank is a whiskey drinking, karaoke singing Elvis impersonator. Heck he even has his own homemade CD of himself belting out some of The King’s standards.
One night Brad and I were in Louie’s on Meridian and Hank was there to sing some Karaoke and serenade the lovely Natlie’ as she poured drinks behind the bar. In between “sets” Hank was taking a breather and I took the opportunity to ask where he was when he heard the news that Elvis had died. He looked at me and in his best Elvis voice told me that he was driving on the 66th street bridge over I-35 headed to Crossroads Mall when the news came over the radio. He said he just had to pull over for a few minutes and get his bearings. Now it wasn’t so much the words of Hank’s story that made it so enjoyable but his cadence and delivery as he told the entire story in the voice and mannerisms of The King himself.
So to Hank and all you other Elvis impersonators out there knock yourselves out tonight and sing a lively rendition of Don’t Be Cruel for me. And to those of you who were able to stay with it and read the story all the way through… Well, you know what I would say.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Let The Games Begin... Well Kinda
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If you’ve known me for any time at all you’ll know that I’m a serious college football fan, I like just about any team in orange, OSU, Tennessee, Texas, and Clemson. I also love the War Eagles of Boston College and I will never forget the day when Dougie threw the ball. Oh yeah and I love the ‘Bama Twins as well, But as much as I love college football I just can’t seem to get pumped up about week 1.
Week 1 should be the happiest Saturday of the year. It should be a day that by law must be printed on every calendar sold in the United States. It should be a day when birds sing and Arabs and Israelis stop fighting and watch a few minutes of Game Day before they go back to the melee at halftime of the early game. What you didn’t think they could keep peace for a full three hours did you?
But the very sad fact is that Week 1 really sucks. It, along with weeks 2 and 3 are the weeks which feature the perennial powerhouse programs taking on schools like St. Augustine School of Crippled and Infirmed. And before all of the other pundits jump up and point out how important the money is to the smaller schools and how the increased television exposure aids recruiting at the smaller schools and eventually leads to more parity across the board I say the following to you: “I know this and I think that it is very important. But what if we moved all of that back just one week?”
Fans have been stagnant for months with no college football in sight. The season finally opens and we have to sit through three weeks of mismatches and horribly lopsided games. Sure the fans of the larger schools can boast of their 3-0 records. After all, they trounced Monmouth, Dartmouth and DePaul back to back to back. What more could the pollsters want when they look at strength of schedule?
My contention is as follows. Leave at least four open slots for those ranked in the preseason Top 25. That’s four teams playing in two games that will be big ticket events. I know they say it would be a scheduling nightmare but with all of the logistics we have in place today I am certain that the teams with sudden vacancies could reschedule new opponents when given a three month lead time. Heck, for that matter do that for both Weeks 1 and 2 and then let the charity games begin in earnest with Week 3.
Fans have waited far too long for the opening weekend only to see one sided games. Sure there is the occasional upset but they are so far between that they really can’t be counted on as a means of excitement. We need to see at least three or four powerhouse matchups in the early weeks to jump start the season and bring the fans to the level of enthusiasm we deserve all season, not just in the last three weeks.
Week 1 should be the happiest Saturday of the year. It should be a day that by law must be printed on every calendar sold in the United States. It should be a day when birds sing and Arabs and Israelis stop fighting and watch a few minutes of Game Day before they go back to the melee at halftime of the early game. What you didn’t think they could keep peace for a full three hours did you?
But the very sad fact is that Week 1 really sucks. It, along with weeks 2 and 3 are the weeks which feature the perennial powerhouse programs taking on schools like St. Augustine School of Crippled and Infirmed. And before all of the other pundits jump up and point out how important the money is to the smaller schools and how the increased television exposure aids recruiting at the smaller schools and eventually leads to more parity across the board I say the following to you: “I know this and I think that it is very important. But what if we moved all of that back just one week?”
Fans have been stagnant for months with no college football in sight. The season finally opens and we have to sit through three weeks of mismatches and horribly lopsided games. Sure the fans of the larger schools can boast of their 3-0 records. After all, they trounced Monmouth, Dartmouth and DePaul back to back to back. What more could the pollsters want when they look at strength of schedule?
My contention is as follows. Leave at least four open slots for those ranked in the preseason Top 25. That’s four teams playing in two games that will be big ticket events. I know they say it would be a scheduling nightmare but with all of the logistics we have in place today I am certain that the teams with sudden vacancies could reschedule new opponents when given a three month lead time. Heck, for that matter do that for both Weeks 1 and 2 and then let the charity games begin in earnest with Week 3.
Fans have waited far too long for the opening weekend only to see one sided games. Sure there is the occasional upset but they are so far between that they really can’t be counted on as a means of excitement. We need to see at least three or four powerhouse matchups in the early weeks to jump start the season and bring the fans to the level of enthusiasm we deserve all season, not just in the last three weeks.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Babygoats and Buffalo Wings
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Unless they’re already in the clique and know the back story most people shoot me a puzzling glance when they hear me spontaneously utter the phrase Babygoat. And yes I have made the term Babygoat a one word phrase. You can do things like that not only in Blogland but also when you’ve deemed yourself worthy of creating your own lexicon. It’s not that I feel superior to anyone when I take on the role of lexicon creator. In fact it’s quite the opposite. I feel that all of us are inherently given this right, one of those inalienable ones, to create our own lexicons that is.
We generally do it within our families, and with coworkers and close knit groups of friends. Sometimes we call them catch phrases or pet names or terms of endearment but on some basis, no matter how limited, I think most of us invent terms or phrases or slogans that have their own meaning. Most of the time these meanings are known to only a few select people and that ‘s a good thing. If everyone knew the meaning the phrase would lose its charm or cleverness and just become one of the other 198,000,000,000 words in the English language.
While the generic term “Baby Goat” (yeah I like the caps) might refer to a new born goat, or kid, as they are called, the single worded Babygoat, refers to something quite different. I guess I should start at the beginning and work forward. Things usually work better that way.
Several years ago I was watching an episode of Simon & Simon. Of course Rick and AJ were working a case for one of their quirky clients and this client owned a thoroughbred. I can’t remember all of the details but someone harboring ill intent was going to steal, sabotage or maim said horse in one way or another. Well good old Rick and AJ were hot on the case and they nabbed the culprit. While I can’t remember the detailed plot of the episode, I do remember learning one very important lesson. Horses like goats. I assumed that this newly gleaned fact was irrefutably correct because they can’t put something on a reputable show like Simon & Simon unless it’s absolute and valid. Can they?
Well years passed and I had always remembered that horses liked goats but had never really given the thought any attention beyond noting it as an interesting piece of trivia. About three or four years ago I was mulling that intriguing fact over in my mind and I decided that I would check out the veracity of this theory by consulting the universal lie buster we know as the internet. I mean they can’t put something on the internet unless it has been proven to be completely accurate and void of any doubt or suspicion. Can they?
A Google search about horses and goats quickly eased all doubt and concern that I had accumulated in my fifteen minutes of doubting the writers of Simon & Simon. It turns out that horses really do love goats. They love, love, love their hairy little goat friends with a devotion seldom seen elsewhere in the animal kingdom. So now we’ve learned another valuable lesson, never doubt the writers of Simon & Simon. Doing so will only lead to frustration, confusion and ultimately wanton despair.
Now that you have been made privy to a portion of this illustrious back story let me go ahead and fill in more of the picture. For those of you who know us the following statement will seem a given. However, I like to imagine, albeit for naught, that there might someday be strangers whom I’ve never met, thus by default making them strangers, give this blog a good once over and maybe even read this far into a post. Anyway to move it along, my friend Brad and I have been known to frequent a restaurant or sports bar from time to time, but usually only five or six times a week.
Naturally due to the fact that we patronize these purveyors of fun and merriment on a regular basis we get to know the wait staff and management pretty well. And while we try to like everyone equally, we sometimes develop favorites when it comes to the young ladies who fetch us our food and beverage. Servers come and go but we usually maintain a corps of trusted individuals that we know are always good for a quick smile, a goofy anecdote or if nothing else just great service. So yes, we have favorites.
There was a young girl working at Buffalo Wild Wings that we really enjoyed sitting with. She was bright, funny and it certainly didn’t hurt your eyes to look at her. She had a great sense of humor and seemed to have quite a bit on the ball. She had even won a regional essay contest for her paper on Globalization which netted her a cash prize. In case you haven’t gotten the point, I’m trying to say that she was an all around good kid and fun to hang out with. She even tagged along to the local casino with us once or twice.
One day we were sitting with this young lady and we had decided that for the moment she had become one of our favorites, to which I would sometimes refer to as “nieces.” It was probably one of those Saturdays during College Football season when we would arrive at 11:00 AM for the early game and leave sometime around Midnight after the Hawaii game had either ended or gotten so lopsided that it was no longer interesting. Yes a 13 hour day at BWW was not uncommon at the time. At some point during the day we had decided to tell this young lady that we thought she was just fine in our book.
I knew that the girl came from a rural background and had an intricate knowledge of horses and all things equine. Well it turned out that she didn’t know all things equine. I decided that I would explain our unrelenting loyalty to her in a manner to which she could easily relate. I told her, “It’s like we’re the racehorses and you’re our baby goat.” She didn’t understand what I meant by this and looked at me with a puzzled look on her face, as did Brad.
It seems that at that particular junction in time I was the only one at the table who had taken their cues for life lessons from Simon & Simon. Neither she nor Brad knew anything of the interspecies bond between horse and goat. So it was at that moment that I told what has since become known as “The Baby Goat Story” for the first time. I now have the narrative down to a fine art complete with relative hand gestures. It goes like this...
“When they take a racehorse and start to train him they give him a baby goat. Years ago vets and trainers learned that a horse had to have what is called a stable mate. They couldn’t give them a female horse because they would become distracted (insert hand gesture showing a sense of frustration or confusion). They couldn’t give them a male horse because they would clash (insert hand gesture showing two clenched fists butting against each other). So they found out that if they gave them a goat, usually a baby goat, that horse would be happy and would train better. Now if that baby goat left or died or whatever, the horse wouldn’t train or eat or do anything, he just kind of shuts down. Well you’re like that baby goat to us, we need you around at all times and we can never be happy unless you’re here.”
At first she looked at me as though I had lost my mind. But we all know that had taken place many years prior. Brad looked at me and said something to the effect that I had indeed lost my damn mind. But for some reason or other, it kind of stuck and from that day forward the young lady has been referred to almost exclusively as Baby Goat, or sometimes Original Baby Goat (OBG) to distinguish her from others we have given the term Baby Goat. Remember Baby Goat was finally contracted into a one word phrase Babygoat. I will get to the differences in a few paragraphs.
So now that we had one we called Baby Goat (days of pre-contraction) we used that term of endearment to refer to her and her only in the early days of goatdom. As time went by a bond of trust and loyalty grew between us and the Baby Goat. In all actuality it became a pretty good friendship for a while. As often as not Brad and I would simply text each other and ask “Baby Goat at 7?” Of course this really meant did you want to go to BWW at 7:00?
Over time the term Baby Goat expanded a little and soon referred to any server that we really liked and felt was worthy of the title. So that was where we began to differentiate between Baby Goat and Babygoat. Baby Goat is specific whereas Babygoat is generic and referring to the concept rather than the individual. I’m sure that cleared it up… now even I’m confused, hahaha.
Years have passed since then and there are a handful of servers out there upon whom we have bestowed the honorary badge Baby Goat but naturally there are some that were more deserving of the title than others. Most of the girls look at it for what it is, just a pet name used to designate her as one of our favorites but there was one who actually got angry that we called others “Baby Goat.” She even contended that we should love her more than the others and declare that she was the “One True Baby Goat.” She didn’t get the title, hahaha. I’ve never been sure how serious she was about the issue but one night we encountered her out on the town. She’d been drinking a bit and was quite adamant about the situation and demanded that we stop referring to our current server as Babygoat. But strange as that may be, I guess we still think of her as a Babygoat, even if she’s not THE Baby Goat.
So to wrap things up, and I applaud you if you’ve stuck it out this far, yes… there is more than one Baby Goat out there, thousands of Babygoats (generic attractive female) but the fact is that if we’ve ever referenced someone as a Baby Goat then they usually mean something important to us on one level or another. As for Original Baby Goat, we still keep in touch with her on a limited basis. We went to see her just last week in fact. And while we aren’t as close to her as we once were we still care about and appreciate her and wish her the best in whatever endeavors she chooses to pursue. After all, she IS the OBG.
We generally do it within our families, and with coworkers and close knit groups of friends. Sometimes we call them catch phrases or pet names or terms of endearment but on some basis, no matter how limited, I think most of us invent terms or phrases or slogans that have their own meaning. Most of the time these meanings are known to only a few select people and that ‘s a good thing. If everyone knew the meaning the phrase would lose its charm or cleverness and just become one of the other 198,000,000,000 words in the English language.
While the generic term “Baby Goat” (yeah I like the caps) might refer to a new born goat, or kid, as they are called, the single worded Babygoat, refers to something quite different. I guess I should start at the beginning and work forward. Things usually work better that way.
Several years ago I was watching an episode of Simon & Simon. Of course Rick and AJ were working a case for one of their quirky clients and this client owned a thoroughbred. I can’t remember all of the details but someone harboring ill intent was going to steal, sabotage or maim said horse in one way or another. Well good old Rick and AJ were hot on the case and they nabbed the culprit. While I can’t remember the detailed plot of the episode, I do remember learning one very important lesson. Horses like goats. I assumed that this newly gleaned fact was irrefutably correct because they can’t put something on a reputable show like Simon & Simon unless it’s absolute and valid. Can they?
Well years passed and I had always remembered that horses liked goats but had never really given the thought any attention beyond noting it as an interesting piece of trivia. About three or four years ago I was mulling that intriguing fact over in my mind and I decided that I would check out the veracity of this theory by consulting the universal lie buster we know as the internet. I mean they can’t put something on the internet unless it has been proven to be completely accurate and void of any doubt or suspicion. Can they?
A Google search about horses and goats quickly eased all doubt and concern that I had accumulated in my fifteen minutes of doubting the writers of Simon & Simon. It turns out that horses really do love goats. They love, love, love their hairy little goat friends with a devotion seldom seen elsewhere in the animal kingdom. So now we’ve learned another valuable lesson, never doubt the writers of Simon & Simon. Doing so will only lead to frustration, confusion and ultimately wanton despair.
Now that you have been made privy to a portion of this illustrious back story let me go ahead and fill in more of the picture. For those of you who know us the following statement will seem a given. However, I like to imagine, albeit for naught, that there might someday be strangers whom I’ve never met, thus by default making them strangers, give this blog a good once over and maybe even read this far into a post. Anyway to move it along, my friend Brad and I have been known to frequent a restaurant or sports bar from time to time, but usually only five or six times a week.
Naturally due to the fact that we patronize these purveyors of fun and merriment on a regular basis we get to know the wait staff and management pretty well. And while we try to like everyone equally, we sometimes develop favorites when it comes to the young ladies who fetch us our food and beverage. Servers come and go but we usually maintain a corps of trusted individuals that we know are always good for a quick smile, a goofy anecdote or if nothing else just great service. So yes, we have favorites.
There was a young girl working at Buffalo Wild Wings that we really enjoyed sitting with. She was bright, funny and it certainly didn’t hurt your eyes to look at her. She had a great sense of humor and seemed to have quite a bit on the ball. She had even won a regional essay contest for her paper on Globalization which netted her a cash prize. In case you haven’t gotten the point, I’m trying to say that she was an all around good kid and fun to hang out with. She even tagged along to the local casino with us once or twice.
One day we were sitting with this young lady and we had decided that for the moment she had become one of our favorites, to which I would sometimes refer to as “nieces.” It was probably one of those Saturdays during College Football season when we would arrive at 11:00 AM for the early game and leave sometime around Midnight after the Hawaii game had either ended or gotten so lopsided that it was no longer interesting. Yes a 13 hour day at BWW was not uncommon at the time. At some point during the day we had decided to tell this young lady that we thought she was just fine in our book.
I knew that the girl came from a rural background and had an intricate knowledge of horses and all things equine. Well it turned out that she didn’t know all things equine. I decided that I would explain our unrelenting loyalty to her in a manner to which she could easily relate. I told her, “It’s like we’re the racehorses and you’re our baby goat.” She didn’t understand what I meant by this and looked at me with a puzzled look on her face, as did Brad.
It seems that at that particular junction in time I was the only one at the table who had taken their cues for life lessons from Simon & Simon. Neither she nor Brad knew anything of the interspecies bond between horse and goat. So it was at that moment that I told what has since become known as “The Baby Goat Story” for the first time. I now have the narrative down to a fine art complete with relative hand gestures. It goes like this...
“When they take a racehorse and start to train him they give him a baby goat. Years ago vets and trainers learned that a horse had to have what is called a stable mate. They couldn’t give them a female horse because they would become distracted (insert hand gesture showing a sense of frustration or confusion). They couldn’t give them a male horse because they would clash (insert hand gesture showing two clenched fists butting against each other). So they found out that if they gave them a goat, usually a baby goat, that horse would be happy and would train better. Now if that baby goat left or died or whatever, the horse wouldn’t train or eat or do anything, he just kind of shuts down. Well you’re like that baby goat to us, we need you around at all times and we can never be happy unless you’re here.”
At first she looked at me as though I had lost my mind. But we all know that had taken place many years prior. Brad looked at me and said something to the effect that I had indeed lost my damn mind. But for some reason or other, it kind of stuck and from that day forward the young lady has been referred to almost exclusively as Baby Goat, or sometimes Original Baby Goat (OBG) to distinguish her from others we have given the term Baby Goat. Remember Baby Goat was finally contracted into a one word phrase Babygoat. I will get to the differences in a few paragraphs.
So now that we had one we called Baby Goat (days of pre-contraction) we used that term of endearment to refer to her and her only in the early days of goatdom. As time went by a bond of trust and loyalty grew between us and the Baby Goat. In all actuality it became a pretty good friendship for a while. As often as not Brad and I would simply text each other and ask “Baby Goat at 7?” Of course this really meant did you want to go to BWW at 7:00?
Over time the term Baby Goat expanded a little and soon referred to any server that we really liked and felt was worthy of the title. So that was where we began to differentiate between Baby Goat and Babygoat. Baby Goat is specific whereas Babygoat is generic and referring to the concept rather than the individual. I’m sure that cleared it up… now even I’m confused, hahaha.
Years have passed since then and there are a handful of servers out there upon whom we have bestowed the honorary badge Baby Goat but naturally there are some that were more deserving of the title than others. Most of the girls look at it for what it is, just a pet name used to designate her as one of our favorites but there was one who actually got angry that we called others “Baby Goat.” She even contended that we should love her more than the others and declare that she was the “One True Baby Goat.” She didn’t get the title, hahaha. I’ve never been sure how serious she was about the issue but one night we encountered her out on the town. She’d been drinking a bit and was quite adamant about the situation and demanded that we stop referring to our current server as Babygoat. But strange as that may be, I guess we still think of her as a Babygoat, even if she’s not THE Baby Goat.
So to wrap things up, and I applaud you if you’ve stuck it out this far, yes… there is more than one Baby Goat out there, thousands of Babygoats (generic attractive female) but the fact is that if we’ve ever referenced someone as a Baby Goat then they usually mean something important to us on one level or another. As for Original Baby Goat, we still keep in touch with her on a limited basis. We went to see her just last week in fact. And while we aren’t as close to her as we once were we still care about and appreciate her and wish her the best in whatever endeavors she chooses to pursue. After all, she IS the OBG.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Knowledge Is Good Said The Bedouin Merchant
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Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve clicked the old “Submit post” button on the blog site and I have to say that I have indeed missed it. There for a while I put this blog, and a lot of other things in my life, on hold waiting for something to happen. The something I was waiting on didn’t happen and now I’m ready to move on. At this point I hope you’re wondering what it was that was supposed to happen but didn’t. The reason I’m hoping this is because it would mean that my ability as a writer to tease you is alive and well. So I hope I got that part right.
Because I’ve always liked the showbiz adage of, “Leave them wanting more,” I’m not going to tell you what that Something is, at least not now. But rest assured O’valued reader I will soon disclose my shocking secret for all to learn. At that point you will all be free to gasp, gossip and opine about my soon to be revealed story. But like I said, that is for a later date.
A while back I got a text message from a friend and coworker alerting me that he had run across a rare item. He knew from a previous conversation that I would be extremely interested in this item and he was right. I guess before I jump headlong into this post I should tell you about the prior conversation which I referenced above.
Here’s how it goes, for the most part: A few months ago a friend and I were discussing the old neighborhood and both of us remembered the local Humpty Dumpty grocery store known for its “Camelot” house brand. Each of us also remarked about how our parents had taken advantage of a special promotion that ran for several weeks in which “Humpty” customers could purchase, at the rate of one volume per week, the entire set of Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia.
Each week a new volume would arrive and customers could eagerly sate their hunger for knowledge as well as their cravings for Camelot brand boxed macaroni, Libbyland frozen dinners for the youngsters and lush green produce for the rest of the clan. I have to admit that I was really young and don’t remember the exact time frame we’re talking about here but I am fairly certain that it was in the early to mid 70’s. I know that at some point we did complete the set and the family book case finally showcased the entire collection for all to see. There was not a prouder family on Chetwood Drive, of this you can rest assured.
The set served us well for several years and the words within were probably plagiarized countless times in school reports of one type or another. A few years later my sister decided that she needed a deeper knowledge and that the beloved F&W’s just wouldn’t suffice. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but at some point, I am thinking it may have been a Christmas gift, Mom & Dad got her a complete set of World Book Encyclopedia. Now these were some reference books of the highest magnitude. You could crack open one of the volumes and pretty much see the knowledge flow forth like a beacon of wisdom and irrefutable truth. After all, who or what could be deemed more reputable and accurate than the World Book?
As a youth I was entranced with all of the interesting articles pertaining to the animals of far off exotic Africa and other items too numerous to mention. These books were of a really good quality. They were heavy and didn’t have the cheap pulp pages and micro print that plagued readers of the Funk & Wagnall. I loved the World Book.
So now let’s get back to the text message I received advising me of the wonderful find that my friend had uncovered. Well you don’t have to be Freddy or Velma from Scooby Doo or even the Head Cashier at Walmart as Larry the Cable Guy is so fond of saying to realize that my friend Ronald had located a complete set of the beloved 1968 World Book Encyclopedia. He asked if I was interested and it took me all of about 11 seconds to acknowledge.
At this point it was decided that since the volumes were located at his cousin’s garage sale a bit of haggling would be obligatory. The price was set out at $15 but he quickly pointed out that not only was the 1968 set complete with all volumes present and accounted for, but also on the bargaining table was a set of the supplemental “Year Books” which updated the collection up though the mid 1970’s. Ronald seemed to think that this should jump the price up to $20 but I was firm at $15. I held my ground because I figured that I was probably the only one in Oklahoma County seeking a set of encyclopedias that was almost as old as I was. I also knew they would be pretty heavy and the prospect of moving them back into the house and back up on a shelf would probably prompt them to take the $15 offer.
But just to make things more fun I told Ronald that I had learned my haggling tactics from Ali Hakim, an ancient Bedouin camel trader who felt incumbent to share his skills with me. Actually Ali Hakim is the name of the Persian peddler in the Lynn Riggs classic play “Green Grow the Lilacs” which was later popularized under the name “Oklahoma.” If you’ve ever seen the movie he was portrayed by Eddie Albert of Green Acres fame. You know you want to sing the song…go ahead, no one is listening. I felt pretty safe using the name because I can’t see Ron ever uttering the phrase, “Alex I’ll take 1950’s Musicals for $1000”
It seems that Ronald’s cousin was selling the set to raise some spending money for an upcoming cruise. Knowing that Ali Hakim was a desert dweller who abhorred the ocean and a devout Muslim that would not approve of any alcohol consumption, I advised Ronald that he would never forgive me if I contributed $20 for the funding of such debauchery on the high seas. The deal was struck at $15.
A couple of days passed and Ronald came back into the office and advised me that he had brought the valuable cargo to work and it was waiting in his truck just scant yards from where we stood. Later that day I met him in the parking lot and like smugglers passing contraband we quickly moved the cargo from one SUV to the other. I now had possession of limitless potential knowledge and Ron’s cousin had $15 which would probably buy her about two shots on a cruise ship.
I have to admit that I really had no place to put the books at the time I took delivery so they rode around in the back of my Blazer for a couple of months until, and I kid you not, a Muslim Peddler sold me a bookcase. He had the thick accent and swarthy skin to boot. Okay, he worked at Mathis Brothers but nonetheless, he was a genuine Muslim Peddler who sold me a bookcase to house my newest find.
And now my friends you can gaze your eyes upon my beloved books of knowledge and the bookcase they now call home.
Have I read any of the articles in the set? Not one as of yet but I am certain that at some point I will want to read the account of a historic person or event relative to a pre 1969 world and I will know exactly where to turn for my facts.
.
Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve clicked the old “Submit post” button on the blog site and I have to say that I have indeed missed it. There for a while I put this blog, and a lot of other things in my life, on hold waiting for something to happen. The something I was waiting on didn’t happen and now I’m ready to move on. At this point I hope you’re wondering what it was that was supposed to happen but didn’t. The reason I’m hoping this is because it would mean that my ability as a writer to tease you is alive and well. So I hope I got that part right.
Because I’ve always liked the showbiz adage of, “Leave them wanting more,” I’m not going to tell you what that Something is, at least not now. But rest assured O’valued reader I will soon disclose my shocking secret for all to learn. At that point you will all be free to gasp, gossip and opine about my soon to be revealed story. But like I said, that is for a later date.
A while back I got a text message from a friend and coworker alerting me that he had run across a rare item. He knew from a previous conversation that I would be extremely interested in this item and he was right. I guess before I jump headlong into this post I should tell you about the prior conversation which I referenced above.
Here’s how it goes, for the most part: A few months ago a friend and I were discussing the old neighborhood and both of us remembered the local Humpty Dumpty grocery store known for its “Camelot” house brand. Each of us also remarked about how our parents had taken advantage of a special promotion that ran for several weeks in which “Humpty” customers could purchase, at the rate of one volume per week, the entire set of Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia.
Each week a new volume would arrive and customers could eagerly sate their hunger for knowledge as well as their cravings for Camelot brand boxed macaroni, Libbyland frozen dinners for the youngsters and lush green produce for the rest of the clan. I have to admit that I was really young and don’t remember the exact time frame we’re talking about here but I am fairly certain that it was in the early to mid 70’s. I know that at some point we did complete the set and the family book case finally showcased the entire collection for all to see. There was not a prouder family on Chetwood Drive, of this you can rest assured.
The set served us well for several years and the words within were probably plagiarized countless times in school reports of one type or another. A few years later my sister decided that she needed a deeper knowledge and that the beloved F&W’s just wouldn’t suffice. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but at some point, I am thinking it may have been a Christmas gift, Mom & Dad got her a complete set of World Book Encyclopedia. Now these were some reference books of the highest magnitude. You could crack open one of the volumes and pretty much see the knowledge flow forth like a beacon of wisdom and irrefutable truth. After all, who or what could be deemed more reputable and accurate than the World Book?
As a youth I was entranced with all of the interesting articles pertaining to the animals of far off exotic Africa and other items too numerous to mention. These books were of a really good quality. They were heavy and didn’t have the cheap pulp pages and micro print that plagued readers of the Funk & Wagnall. I loved the World Book.
So now let’s get back to the text message I received advising me of the wonderful find that my friend had uncovered. Well you don’t have to be Freddy or Velma from Scooby Doo or even the Head Cashier at Walmart as Larry the Cable Guy is so fond of saying to realize that my friend Ronald had located a complete set of the beloved 1968 World Book Encyclopedia. He asked if I was interested and it took me all of about 11 seconds to acknowledge.
At this point it was decided that since the volumes were located at his cousin’s garage sale a bit of haggling would be obligatory. The price was set out at $15 but he quickly pointed out that not only was the 1968 set complete with all volumes present and accounted for, but also on the bargaining table was a set of the supplemental “Year Books” which updated the collection up though the mid 1970’s. Ronald seemed to think that this should jump the price up to $20 but I was firm at $15. I held my ground because I figured that I was probably the only one in Oklahoma County seeking a set of encyclopedias that was almost as old as I was. I also knew they would be pretty heavy and the prospect of moving them back into the house and back up on a shelf would probably prompt them to take the $15 offer.
But just to make things more fun I told Ronald that I had learned my haggling tactics from Ali Hakim, an ancient Bedouin camel trader who felt incumbent to share his skills with me. Actually Ali Hakim is the name of the Persian peddler in the Lynn Riggs classic play “Green Grow the Lilacs” which was later popularized under the name “Oklahoma.” If you’ve ever seen the movie he was portrayed by Eddie Albert of Green Acres fame. You know you want to sing the song…go ahead, no one is listening. I felt pretty safe using the name because I can’t see Ron ever uttering the phrase, “Alex I’ll take 1950’s Musicals for $1000”
It seems that Ronald’s cousin was selling the set to raise some spending money for an upcoming cruise. Knowing that Ali Hakim was a desert dweller who abhorred the ocean and a devout Muslim that would not approve of any alcohol consumption, I advised Ronald that he would never forgive me if I contributed $20 for the funding of such debauchery on the high seas. The deal was struck at $15.
A couple of days passed and Ronald came back into the office and advised me that he had brought the valuable cargo to work and it was waiting in his truck just scant yards from where we stood. Later that day I met him in the parking lot and like smugglers passing contraband we quickly moved the cargo from one SUV to the other. I now had possession of limitless potential knowledge and Ron’s cousin had $15 which would probably buy her about two shots on a cruise ship.
I have to admit that I really had no place to put the books at the time I took delivery so they rode around in the back of my Blazer for a couple of months until, and I kid you not, a Muslim Peddler sold me a bookcase. He had the thick accent and swarthy skin to boot. Okay, he worked at Mathis Brothers but nonetheless, he was a genuine Muslim Peddler who sold me a bookcase to house my newest find.
And now my friends you can gaze your eyes upon my beloved books of knowledge and the bookcase they now call home.
Have I read any of the articles in the set? Not one as of yet but I am certain that at some point I will want to read the account of a historic person or event relative to a pre 1969 world and I will know exactly where to turn for my facts.
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